Lottery, Hear My Cry!

I'm sure these words or something similar have been screamed by mothers everywhere returning to work. I cannot even tell you how much it has sucked having to leave Sam. I miss him so much through the day and rush to get home to him. I've got just about 3 weeks back under my belt now and it hasn't gotten any easier being away from him. If things had gone as planned, I'd be back at work when he's about 5-6 months old and routines are somewhat established. Returning when his adjusted age is just a few weeks old makes things difficult. Until my winning-the-lottery plan works out, I'll just have to deal. In the meantime, knowing Sam is in trusted hands gives us great peace. There's no need to call or text every 5 minutes to see what's going on. We know it's all good and he's being loved to bits.

We've had some success getting him to sleep for extended periods of time through the nite. Two words - bath time! I try to feed him between 9:30-10 and bathe him afterwards. The bath gets him good and chill. We've been able to put him down when he's still awake, but drowsy. He'll drift off and sleep for 4-5 hours. In order for me to make it to work on time, I need for him to wake up between 3:30 and 4. He gets his boob time, topped off with a bottle, then a fresh diaper. He generally will go right back to sleep when I put him back down. Even at his young age, he realizes no one should have to be awake at 5 am!!! I then get all his bottles ready for the day, measure out his medications, then get ready for work and head on out. I get about 4 hours of sleep on work nights. Back in the day, I would have been wrecked, but somehow, my body has compensated. I used to be caffeine free, but now, on work days, caffeine is KING. I have a grande something or another in the morning to get a lil pep in my step.

I still feel like I'm operating with half a brain these days. My biggest faux pas seems to be pumping and/or breast feeding and forgetting to pull my shirt back over my bra before presenting myself to the outside world. Duh. The first weekend I was back at work, I walked into the break room to put something in the fridge, passing some security dude in there. Went in the bathroom and realized my tank top was still down and my bra was in full view. Way to go!!! GAH! Get it together, woman!

One thing we've learned is sometimes, babies just go through phases where they're off kilter and it doesn't mean a thing. Sam was eating like a rock star. I was sure he was going through a growth spurt. Then it didn't seem like he was eating enough. After having those concerns, he gained over a pound in less than 2 weeks, so he's ahead of the curve and doing great! On Monday, he weighed in at 11 lb 3 oz! What a bruiser!

Sam continues to be a party animal! He attended Oktoberfest at his buddy Franklin's place, went to a baby shower and another birthday party. He also attended his first wine tasting last week. Southern Rhone wines. Had to be French, of course :-P Despite the half brain, we seem to be getting better and better at getting him out of the house without forgetting too much of his stuff. He requires SO MUCH STUFF. Whether at home or on the go, seems we are laden with baby gear. We now own a swing, a bouncy seat and a Mamaroo. Funny thing is he doesn't seem to prefer one over the other. And he's okay with putting him in one of them if he's already calm, but if he's screaming, strapping him into one of those devices does NOT calm him down. He will scream his fool head off until we fetch him. His favorite place to sleep is still on our chests. It rocks my world to be cuddling with him and feel his heartbeat on my chest. He's finally gotten used to his co-sleeper and even sleeps in his moses basket on occasion. In order for him to sleep soundly (when he's not on us), he MUST be swaddled. Otherwise, he'll start flailing his arms and wake himself up. Sometimes, when swaddled, he has a way of busting out like the Hulk. We have a little velcro swaddler thingy that goes with one of his sleep sacks. We now use that over his jammies like a little straight jacket and it works like a charm.

One of the absolute best things we've experienced these days is Sam's smile! On his 5 month birthday on Tuesday, Steve and I were playing with him and I asked him, "Who's been on this earth for 5 whole months?!" He gave us the hugest smile! What an awesome moment! He's tracking things pretty well these days and locking his gaze with ours more often. He also likes to grab stuff, like my hair. So far, he seems to be right on track developmentally.

Oh! I almost forgot! We attended the NICU graduation party! It was so cool to be able to see some of the folks that helped Sam get where he is. Every day we hold our son, we are forever grateful to the folks at Packard. We got word yesterday that one of his former roommates that arrived in June lost his battle last weekend. It is still so devastating to hear this news and makes us so sad. Sam is a true Miracle. We will never forget how easily things could've gone the other way. We are so incredibly lucky to be blessed with this beautiful little nugget who continues to thrive.

I hope this post finds you all well! Happy Friday!

Adventures in Parenting

So, I'm finally coming up for air! I intended to post an update on our first 24 hours at home. Then it became 48 hours, and, well, here I am 3 weeks later. It has been a wonderful, tiring, happy time in the Team Martz household. We are so thrilled to have Sam home and be able to see his angel face all day and all night. He is such a sweet boy and we are thoroughly smitten. Even when he's screaming, which he only seems to do for us. So far, when we have visitors, he's perfectly behaved. He will start screaming about 5 minutes after guests leave pretty much without fail. Little booger. The transition has actually been quite easy except for the lack of sleep (minor, right?). We were handling so much of his care at the hospital, we really felt well prepared to take care of him at home. So far, we troubleshoot pretty well.

The doctors told us how preemies thrive once home and that has been so true. Sam is getting HUGE and busting out of some of his newborn clothes already. He's about 9 1/2 pounds now. Can you believe that??? I still find myself getting very emotional at times. Especially in the middle of the night during quiet times. One night, around 3am, I gazed down at him and marveled at what a big boy he's become. I teared up thinking where he started, a teeny 1lb 13oz. It hardly seems possible he could survive, but here he is.

I was going through a folder last night that we brought home from the hospital and came across a detailed discharge summary. Sam's first 110 days on this earth were summarized in 7 short pages. There were details about the delivery. Stuff Steve and I had never known. I read it and was totally sad and unnerved. When Sam was born, he was barely alive. His heart rate was 60. After 1-2 minutes of positive pressure ventilation, it was still in the 60s. He was intubated and his heart rate finally climbed to 100 after 5 minutes. Was it a blessing that I was under? Those would've been 5 excruciating minutes. When I told Steve about this, I could see he was bothered too. He said he was outside the operating room waiting for his son to come out and he might not have. He could've been called in to say good bye. Being out cold, I could've missed his entire life. I can't imagine finally coming to and being told he was gone. :::sigh::: I still can't believe we've come so far. We are having such a blast learning all about this little cherub. Our lives are already so much richer with him in it. He's here. He's doing great. I've got to find a way to let the past go.

Anyhoo, back to the report. The first night home was interesting. We had Sam in the co-sleeper right next to us. The problem was we couldn't sleep because every little sound and rustle kept us awake. There were lots of them. We think he just wasn't used to all the quiet darkness. We started playing music and leaving the lights on low and that seemed to help. It helped him, anyway. We still weren't getting much sleep. We decided to care for him in shifts, which enables us both to get a few solid hours at different times. This seems to be working at the moment, but we'll have to come up with plan b, when Steve returns to work. Oh, right. That's TODAY. So, now we're both pretty much on 24 hour duty and both exhausted. I did manage to give Jr. a bath this afternoon, throw him in the swing, then hop in the shower. I am currently inhaling a sandwich as I type. First food today.

On night 2, Steve and I snipped off each other's hospital bracelets that gave us access to the nursery and shared a toast. Sam was home!

Then, calamity. It was all the usual stuff. Pee EVERYWHERE (over my shoulder and all over the floor). Spit up all over me. A blow out diaper. Wooo weee! That kid had me hoppin'! He seems to be taking aim with his pee pee now, but his aim isn't very good. One night, he manged to pee on his own face. LOL!

Sam had been doing really well recovering from his hernia surgery, but at the close of his first week home, his belly button incision became inflamed. The triage nurse recommended bringing him into urgent care. Steve had all kinds of meat on the smoker, so I packed Sam up for our first solo adventure in the car. He was out like a light as soon as the car started moving. Anyhoo, there was definitely an infection, so I dropped him off at home, then headed to the 24 hour pharmacy in Mountain View for antibiotics. Over the course of a few days, it was definitely getting better. Less redness and swelling. Now, it seems to be getting worse again, so we'll see what the doctors pull out of their hat this time.

We've been out and about a few times. Our first big outing was to wish our friends, the Baiamontes, a fond farewell as they high tailed it out of the Bay Area. They were a whole 2 or 3 miles away. Then we ventured to Maddux Park in Redwood City for Miss Makenna's birthday party. All went smoothly until we stopped for diapers on the way home. Sam completely lost his sh*t while Daddy was in the store, so I stuck a boob in his mouth in the car and that did the trick. We had dinner at the Yummy's and that went pretty smoothly. We've had our usual wine and cheese fests on the patio, so we're doing a pretty good job so far of incorporating the wee one into our routine.

This past weekend, we hit little cousin Jenna's 1st birthday bash. Had a mishap of sorts on the way. I forgot to put nursing pads in my bra. Yeah, I know. Living dangerously! We were running late and less than a half mile from the house when I sprung a leak on the right side. Too late to turn back. I took some of the tissue paper from Jenna's present and shoved it in my bra. That wasn't working so well. I shoved a cloth diaper in there and that did the trick. Sexy. Whatever would I do about the big wet spot on my dress? Well, I took it off and put it out the window. It was dry in about 3 minutes. Gotta get creative sometimes, right?

That same evening had dinner with our NICU buddies, the Boosts, Reinhard, Michelle and little Anton. We joked that the boys were all, "Oh hey! NICU, right?" Anton was born term a couple of weeks before Sam. He's so cute and so engaged. He smiles right at you. He laughs. It was so cool to get a preview of what Sam will soon be doing.

We rounded out the weekend with a fun Labor Day get together at Auntie Dayna's. Sam has enjoyed all the festivities and has traveled well!

I'm happy to say I've lost weight since Sam came home! Thing is, it's because I often don't have time to eat!!! The day will nearly be over and I'll remember, "Oh yeah, food." On that note, HUGE thanks to all who have fed us recently, the Smiths, Bree, Sophia and Bruce, Kris. I hope I'm not forgetting anyone! I seem to forget a lot more these days. Baby brain in full effect.

Oh! We've really enjoyed going for walks around Crescent Park these days. We usually head out right after Jr. has eaten so he snoozes in the stroller. We meandered through one of the Palo Alto community gardens. A nice couple gave us some fresh green beans which we had for dinner. Delish. The weather has been perfect and getting fresh air has been awesome. It's really easy to let the whole day slip away without even getting outside, so the walks have been fantastic.

You know what the scariest thing on earth is?? Cutting a baby's fingernails!!! Oh my God. I was so scared I was going to lop something off. His little nails are razor sharp though and he was scratching himself, so I had to give him a little mani. Filed them and everything.

We had our first family photo shoot last Friday. The pic above was taken right after Sam crapped all over my shirt. Um, that part was cropped out. Our photographer got some beautiful shots of Sam. She has such a great eye. If you ever need photos done, she's your gal. In addition to being crazy talented, she's just such a warm and lovely human being who considers it such a privilege to document these beautiful little lives. Check out her website, www.picturekidz.com . Btw, for the smaller pictures below, click on the photo for full viewing, then click again to reduce.

Sam should be screaming for food any minute now, so I must go. Good catching up with you!