A Sign

I forgot to mention....When I walked out of the room after my first acupuncture appointment of the day, a song came on the radio by a jazz artist my dad loved.  So much so, he bought me the cd years ago.  I haven't listened to it in awhile, but whenever I hear it, it always makes me think of Pop. Seems like it was his way of letting me know he was with me today:) I so hope to be bringing a little piece of him into the world in 9 months.

We Are Three

Had a nice relaxing weekend recovering from the retrieval.  Yesterday was especially nice seeing that I took a shower, but then stayed in my robe all day and all night! HB and I had a toast last night to celebrate the little embryo that could.  My toast:  To the miracle awaiting us tomorrow.  His toast: To baby mama and baby daddy. LOL!!! 

I felt like I was going to Disneyland.  Couldn't wait to go to sleep so this day would come. I woke up early this morning with the game plan in mind, acupuncture, embryo transfer, more acupuncture. It then dawned on me I forgot to pick up our Chrimmus prime rib from the German butcher, so I dashed out to do that before my first appointment.

I got there a few minutes before opening at 9am and was 3rd in line.  It was 9:15 by the time I got outta there. I dashed off to my 9:30 appointment, but BLIMEY! There'a  HUGE accident on the freeway. It took me 30 minutes to get about 4 miles. I was late for my appointment, but fortunately, I had a cushion. After my appointment, I slammed water so my bladder would be nice and full for the procedure. Off I go. I pulled into the clinic parking lot just after HB. He gave me a huge smile and asked, "You ready to get knocked up??!"

The procedure was NOT fun.  Very uncomfortable, but when it was over, I felt like a million bucks. Especially when we were presented with a picture of our lil embryo. I'm feeling very peaceful and content. For now, and hopefully forever, We Are Three.

The Last Egg Standing

Egg retreival went about as expected yesterday.  While in recovery, the embryologist informed me 2 eggs were retrieved, 1 was mature.  She said they would still incubate the immature egg for a bit to see if it made a difference and they would perform ICSI (a single sperm is injected into each egg) on both.  So then I saw HB in the waiting area and he said baby doc came out and told him both eggs looked grainy.  Huh??? Here I was thinking we had at least one good one then I hear this!  I didn't know what to think after that. I went to acupuncture and tried to chill out.

I felt okay after the procedure, but when I woke up from my long nap, I felt crampy and bloaty.  I got out of bed and felt a sharp twinge of pain. Ouch.  I was well cared for though and had the BBQ Chicken salad I was craving delivered to me by wonderful friends :) 

My phone rang in the late afternoon.  I saw the clinic # on my caller ID. My heart jumped into my throat.  I thought they were calling to tell me both my eggs were busted. Turned out to just be an automated appointment reminder.  A reminder for the embryo transfer appointment I wouldn't need if our embryos didn't make it.

 I had a feeling of dread, of uncertainty and was having a hard time shaking it.  All I wanted was to sleep thru the night and get the fert report  the next morning. I woke up pretty early and stared at the clock wondering when I'd get the call. 2 hours passed and the call came.  "Please verify your name and date of birth", the nurse asked.  She didn't sound all full of pity, so I wasn't immediately alarmed. "JUST TELL ME!!!" I wanted to scream.  She then informed me our 1 mature egg fertilized normally.  I was shocked.  The other egg showed some chromosomal abnormalities. So, we have a contender.  If it continues to develop properly, embryo transfer will be Monday. I feel like I was able to breathe for a moment, but now I'm stressing about making it to the next stage. I'm trying to chill out, as stress is a no no.  I pray this little embryo thrives.  We're counting on you, little one!

And Then There Was One

Had my final ultrasound yesterday.  The 2 contenders were measuring 16.5, the 2 late bloomers 9. Doc had me take one more dose of Follistim and Menopur last nite (had to shoot up in a restaurant bathroom!!) to get the leads to 18.  Took my last dose of Ganirelix this morning and now, there’s just one more, the trigger shot at 9:30 sharp tonite.  Egg retrieval is this Friday at 8:30.

It all kinda hit me yesterday as I waited pant-less (and bloomer-less) for doc to come in. I texted HB, “OMG.  I can’t believe we’re doing this.” He wrote back, “Ur about to become a Mommy.” Was the most beautiful thing he’d ever said to me, other than the kick ass proposal. Hopefully we are about to start an amazing new journey together.  I’m feeling so optimistic and joyful.

Finally made it back to work yesterday after my week long pain-a-palooza. Been fun breaking the engagement news.  Be even more fun to hit ‘em with the baby news soon too!

I ordered a Chrimmus tree skirt from Pottery Barn today.  I had “The Martzes” embroidered on it. We’re gonna be The Martzes!! I can’t wait! I nearly flubbed by typing "The Martzs".  As soon as I typed it, I just stared at it thinking it was totally wrong and re-typed.  Good thing my grammaratical knowledge clicked in before I proceeded to checkout. I should not be allowed to become part of the Martzes if I cannot properly spell it.

Hopefully the Worst is Behind Me

Despite being over the moon happy the past few days, I've felt like I'd been thrown under a bus. I think the pain I've experienced this past week has been worse than any post op pain I've had. I didn't get more than an hour or so of sleep at a time for 5 nights.  Ack. Did alot of crying and SCREAMING in the middle of the night.  Didn't think I could stand it.  My neighbors probably heard all the ruckus and thought we were having wild sex!!!

I was awakened at 4am to discover Domino walking around on the nightstand.  After scolding her, I glanced at the clock and realized that I'd gotten 5 solid hours of sleep!!!! Woooo hooooooo! Glorious!
Began shot #4 this morning to prevent ovulation prior to retrieval. My poor belly is battered and bruised.
 As of yesterday's ultrasound, follicle-wise, I have 2 strong contenders and 2 late bloomers that most likely will not catch up.  But what have I said so many times?? IT ONLY TAKES ONE!  Retrieval should be on Wednesday if all goes as planned. Vag cam tomorrow morning to confirm.

Are you all ready for Chrimmus??  I'm not!  However, the season is definitely on cuz I saw Black Santa the other day.  Who is Black Santa? Well, let me tell you....There's a huge house on University Ave that has a gigantic Santa on the porch every year. Must be at least 9 feet tall.  Was driving past a couple years ago with HB and my 2 cousins.  One of them asked incredulously, "Is that a black Santa???" (Palo Alto is pretty milk toast)  I took a look and replied, "Oh no, girl.  I think the light just went off in his face." We roared with laughter!  Every now and then I come up with a good one ;-)  Afterwards, making the light go off in someone's face became a euphemism for jackin' someone up. So, the next time someone pisses you off, tell them you're going to make the light go off in their face!!! If they don't look scared, tell them they should!! Oh, so Black Santa has reappeared, so Chrimmus must be comin'!

Happy to report pain was minimal today (controlled by 2 or 3 Tylenol) compared with the past 5 days. I'm exhausted and hoping to get a full night's sleep tonight. I thought I might make it to the 8:30 yoga class tomorrow, but I'm going to roll outta bed when I'm good and ready.  I think I really need the rest. If I happen to wake up and can't get back to sleep, I'll go.  Otherwise, I'm going to do what my body dictates.
HB referred to me as his fiancee today and for some reason it just cracked me up!  In a giddy way of course.  Just unreal. And I can't stop staring at this sparkly thing on my finger.....Which I've worn every day and night even when I was oogly, completely unpresentable and bedridden.

To Hell then Heaven

The last few days have been hellacious.  Vicodin has proven to be a fair weather friend and this pain is kicking my ass! I've been in bed for the past 3 days covered with hot water bottles, the only thing that seems to provide some relief.  I have an ultrasound this morning to see how things are coming along.  I pray I can get off these meds soon.

On a brighter note, I did manage to drag myself out to dinner with HB last night.  He'd been craving Cuban food from La Bodeguita.  After being in bed for 3 days, getting out of the house sounded like a good idea in theory. I brushed my hair, put on minimal make up and tried to look presentable.  I brought a hot water bottle with me and kept it on my belly thru dinner. Classy. The food was amazing, as always.  The owners, Michael and Lara were there and we got to catch up and chat about their trip to Normandy.  So jealous!

During dinner, HB and I discussed our time at La Bodeguita.  I refer to it as the scene of the crime because it's where it became evident HB and I had a connection we both wanted to explore.  That lead to our first date. HB then held my hand and told me he's never had a relationship where he was able to visualize himself old and gray with that person, until me. Then I had an attack of pain that we had to let pass before he could continue.  Hard to say sweet, romantic things to someone that is gritting their teeth in pain. I pressed the hot water bottle into my tummy and demanded the pain be gone! So, then he told me how much the traditions we've developed together mean to him and that he wanted to spend every day of the rest of his life with me, that he didn't want to go one more day without making it official.  By this time, I was bawling because I knew what was coming. I cried off the little make up I had on and made myself super pretty. Despite that, he pushed the table aside, got down on one knee and asked me to make him the happiest man alive and marry him. Oh, and then he pulled out a box containing a sparkling ring that took my breath away! I, of course, said YES!!! He put the ring on my finger and I felt like I was floating on a cloud, and not because of the vicodin. We left the restaurant being cheered on :)

When we arrived home, I opened the front door to find a roaring fire (in the fireplace, not a Chrimmus tree mishap), candles everywhere, rose petals strewn about, a huge vase of roses and an ice bucket with a yummy non-alcoholic sparkling beverage in it. Lovely Day by Bill Withers played on the stereo.  It couldn't have been more perfect. I gotta give HB his kudos.  He knocked it outta the park. Our neighbors and dear friends Maggie & Frank, helped get the homefront ready to go. Way to go, guys!  Thanks!!!!

Funny, he wanted to do a Napa excursion, but my being on the wagon nonsense made that a nonstarter. Then he wanted to put Plan B into effect on Sunday, but I was really sick.  He came down with a cold a couple of days ago as my girly issues worsened. He finally said, "Screw it!  We are doing this!" and got it done.  We were both jacked up but over the moon happy.  And really, isn't that what marriage is all about? Being in love and happy even when things are going all wrong? Loving someone and thinking they're the most beautiful person on the planet even though they may look and feel like hell? I feel so blessed and so lucky to have my partner in crime.

Owwwwwwww!

So, I'm home, I've had a bite to eat and am now resting in bed, watching soaps, eating a cupcake with a hot water bottle on my belly.  Ahhhhhh.  Was up off and on all night writhing in pain.  Unfortunately, I kept HB up too, but he was being incredibly sweet and doing what he could to comfort me.  It didn't work, but the effort he put in warmed my heart :) Especially considering he wasn't feeling well either.

I got up around 2 crying my eyes out cuz it hurt so much and was also thinking, man, this is alot to bear for this to not work so it better work! When I spoke to the nurse this morning to report the meds were further aggravating my endo, she made mention of possibly canceling the cycle and I immediately teared up again.  She told me to come in at 9:20 today instead of waiting for my appointment tomorrow.

So, the doc says unfortunately the pain is a positive sign because it means my body is responding to the estrogen, which unfortunately means the endo is responding as well. I usually pop 4 ibuprofens or a vicodin the first couple of days of my period, so the 2 tylenol the nurse told me I could take yesterday weren't doing jack for me, but I didn't want to take anything else unless doc said it was okay.  ANYWAY, the ultrasound showed the 1 follie on my left side measuring 8.5.  It was 6.5 on Sunday. There might be a couple other small ones there that he can't see too well yet.  He couldn't get a great view of the right because of this huge collection of fluid on my belly trapped by post surgical adhesions. He thought it might relieve my pain a bit to drain the fluid so the nurse set up for that.  It's basically the same procedure as the egg retrieval except I was awake when he jabbed the huge ass needle thru my vag. It really didn't hurt, but the force with which he jabbed the needle in was startling and freaked me out.  Drawing out the fluid didn't hurt one bit.  There was a TON of it.  He drained 200ccs!!! My belly felt flatter immediately and I jokingly asked doc if he could do it again when it's time for me to squeeze into my wedding dress. While draining the fluid did help some with pain, vicodin is still necessary and I'm happy as heck now. 

The good news is that draining the fluid did indeed give him a better view of my right ovary where he saw another follie measuring 7.5!!! I know this isn't much, but 2 is better than one! So, I was thrilled about that.  I go back on Thursday for another ultrasound. I told HB I don't care if I still had pain.  I would endure just about anything to make our miracle happen. So, that's the story!  Despite everything, that other follie has me feeling positive again and the vicodin has me able to make it thru the day without screaming in pain.

My Ovaries are Turtles

Meaning they are sloooowwwwwwww. Yesterday's ultrasound doesn't show much activity.  1 follicle total measuring about 6.5.  Not good. Doc says this is not surprising given my issues.  He didn't want me getting discouraged yet, as he said it's just too soon to tell anything.  I'll have another ultrasound on Wednesday morning to see how things are coming along. He also said I should count on having to take these meds for more than 10 days.  Cool.  More stabbing, though I'm doing really well with all that now.  If I ever become a drug addict, I'm going to be REALLY good at it!

I got teary alot yesterday.  It's the first time I actually thought, "Shit, this may not work." and that terrified me. I've been so chock full of hope, I just refused to believe it wouldn't work, that we would get our miracle. I'm going to try to get out of this funk by going to yoga and doing something that makes me feel good.

On another note, I've been having some terrible cramping in my bowels and pelvic region.  At first I thought I was constipated or something, then realized it's the medications aggravating my endometriosis.  Joy.  I didn't want to take anything, but finally caved yesterday, as I just couldn't stand it anymore. Been poppin' Tylenol like chiclets.

Something awesome did happen yesterday.  After my appointment, HB and I stood in line, in the cold, to meet our idol, the rock star of cooking, Thomas Keller of French Laundry.  Truly, the man is a genius.  Here's a link to the pics: 
http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=129593&id=602293840&l=12bdeb0b27

My toes felt like little frozen grapes, but it was TOTALLY worth it.  The chef de cuisine at his restaurant Ad Hoc was there and was posing for the photos as well.  While in line, HB and I plotted how to best postion ourselves so we could later crop that dude out. Terrible, I know, but we were there to see Thomas!
They make the most amazing fried chicken at Ad Hoc.  HB and I had a fried chicken night with our foodie homeys to try out the recipe.  Just for kicks, we used 4 different types of chickens to see if there was any difference (there was). It was loads of fun and a great story to tell Thomas (we're on a first name basis now ;-) He seemed mildly impressed we used a variety of chickens and asked which we liked best. Definitely a brush with greatness. Despite not feeling exceptionally merry yesterday, got a Chrimmus tree and got it decorated.  It looks beautiful!

 Alright, must motivate self to do something productive. I will not let this funk defeat me!

Well, that was easy!

All day yesterday, I was filled with trepidation at having to rifle thru the giant box, then commence stickin' myself.  I intended to begin at 7, but found many other super important things to do instead like rearrange stuff in the garage, laundry and trying on my dress for New Year’s Eve.  I finally got to it around 7:30.  I laid out everything I needed and had the video going online to help me along since my stabbing class was back on 11/13.  Seemed like the perfect time to have a drink, but I didn't.The first shot, Follistim, was a piece of cake.  It's an epi like pen where you just twist a dial for your dosage and stick. The needle is pretty small and didn’t hurt much. I was a bit weirded out at the prospect of puncturing myself and hesitated before doing it.  Afterwards, I realized I was trippin’ for nothin’!  The second shot, Menopur was a bit trickier.  Since I’m on a high dose, I had to reconstitute 2 little vials of powder with a liquid diluent.  I was a bit clumsy getting it done, but I did it! I’m sure I’ll become really good at it just as it’s time to quit.I was sitting on the couch doing this so I could watch the video on my laptop as I went along.  For some reason, Baddy decided he had to sit RIGHT next to me during this whole process.  Usually, he’ll be splayed out next to me or cuddled up in slumber.  This time, he was sitting at attention and was ever alert. If I didn’t know better, I’d think he was making sure I was okay.  He looked truly fascinated. For a cat. So, I’m over the first of many hurdles and am feeling great!  We’ll see if I’m still all cheery when I’m up to 4 shots a day and can't button my pants.  But for now, it’s all good! Ultrasound Sunday morning to check development of follicles. Grow little follicles, grow!

All Quiet on the Western Front

This morning's date with the vag cam shows the cysts are gone. Let the games begin.

The Bitch is Back

So, guess who decided to come for a visit?  That's right, Aunt Flo (who came up with that???). Man, infertility really turns you upside down.  At no other time in my life would I be saying, "WOOO HOOOO!  CRAMPS!!"  Though I'd been feeling crampy intermittently the past couple of weeks, I was convinced she would not arrive in time.

On my way home from work last night, I decided I was going to have a glass of wine.  Shortly after arrival, AF made a brief appearance and my resolve stregnthened.  Also, I discovered HB had finished off the open bottle of Sangiovese.  Oh well.  When I went to bed I thought this was probably just some fluke spotting.  When I woke up this morning, she was in full effect.  Yipppieeeee!  I called the clinic and made a date with the vag cam for tomorrow morning.  Doc wants to make sure the cysts on my ovaries have resolved themselves before I start shootin' up.  Hopefully I'll get the all clear and all the stabbing will begin tomorrow night. I'm sure my expensive ass medication is sick of being smushed in the fridge by Thanksgiving leftovers.

Post Turkey Day Update

Today's update is that there's no update. Disappointing, I know.  Though I've felt the telltale PMS-like cramping, nothin' is happening down there.  Back when we weren't trying to conceive, this would have been fantastic! Not so much now. So, we'll get started when my body is good and damn ready.

Thanksgiving was a smashing success.  I gotta say, HB and I knocked it outta the park with the vittles. The food didn't really work with my get-healthy regimen, but I said screw it! It's the holidays!! Here's the menu:

Sage and Butter Rubbed Turkey with Cider Gravy

Sourdough Stuffing with Apples and Golden Raisins

Mashed Potatoes with Ranch Dressing (sounds weird but is yummy)

Candied Yams

Kale with Smoked Paprika

Bourbon Creamed Corn

Chipotle Cranberry Sauce

Sweet Potato Pie

I did the pie and the cranberry sauce the night before.  Homemade cranberry sauce is so easy, I don't understand why anyone would want that crap outta the can. Guess some like it in slices? I hadn't made a pie crust in a loooooong time and was determined to do it from scratch this time.  Found a great recipe on Epicurious for the food processor.  Totally easy except I became somewhat of a tard trying to roll it out.  I let HB complete that task and get it into the pie pan, then I made the edges all pretty.  HB actually videotaped me making the pie.  We are doofuses that way.

I prepped like crazy the night before as well. Chopped everything that needed to be chopped. Toasted the bread for the stuffing.  Made everything move much more smoothly the next day. Very important in a tiny ass, one-butt kitchen. The gravy (which HB rocked) required applejack brandy.  HB decided to make other stuff boozy and put it in the turkey brine, the candied yams, the corn (instead of bourbon) and the pie.  De-lish. I busted hump non-stop all day and jumped into the showow just as my mom, brother and sis-in-law arrived.  I was ready, hair combed, make up on and sporting the apron with my name on it (my parents gave the aprons to me and HB for Xmas years ago) in 20 minutes flat.  Impressive, huh?

Sidenote: Maybe I should make this a combo babymaking/food blog.  How does The Infertile Gourmet sound?  This is catchy, no?

Though we had a great Thanksgiving, we were so missing my Dad and Goose (my granny).  Last Thanksgiving we had Goose.  This year, neither. My Dad would've been so proud to see me doing something so grown up like cooking Thanksgiving dinner.  We had candles lit in front of photos of them in their honor.  HB made the incredibly sweet gesture of printing some photos from a previous holiday dinner that had Pop and Goose in them. 

Some days I will laugh my ass off thinking of some nutty thing Pop said or did. Other days are tougher. Last week, I was on Caltrain headed to the city to see friends.  A song came on my iPod that made me think of him and I started crying on the friggin' train. I'll often think of some dirty old lady thing Goose would say and crack a smile.  She was one of the funniest people I've ever known and I truly enjoyed her company.  :::sigh:::: It just doesn't seem to get easier. Btw, I did break out Goose's china for the occasion which was so incredibly special to me.  I will cherish it forever.

I went to acupuncture on Monday and Saturday.  Since Beth was out of town, I saw the gal filling in for her.  Very nice.  She didn't know how to use the credit card machine though and the receptionist was out, so she told me to pay when I came back on Saturday.  On Saturday, she forgot to charge me for Monday's visit. When I mentioned this to her, she seemed confused, so I let it go. I will be sure to call the live receptionist on Monday to take care of this. Besides the threat of bad karma, it just doesn't seem wise to piss off someone that stabs needles in you twice a week.

I went off the deep end and went to yoga 3 days in a row, Friday-Sunday.  Friday's class was, uh, challenging.  There were a few poses that were not happening for me.  One was a handstand against the wall.  This was much easier when I was 7. A couple other poses made me feel like I was auditioning for friggin' Cirque du Soleil!!  The pre/post natal class on Saturday was great at my favorite spot, (www.peacebankyoga.com).  Though I was feeling pretty good at the start, not particularly sore or anything, on my first downward facing dog, I realized my shoulders were tired.  I thought, "Shit, this is going to be a loooooong class".  It went more quickly than I expected, probably because the clock wasn't in view. There were a couple poses where my arms were shaking so much, I almost ended up doing inadvertent head stands. Later, while driving, my arms felt like overcooked spaghetti. I've decided I can't do more than 2 classes back to back.  It appears I momentarily forgot I'm OLD!

The work schedule is tricky this week, so I'll be going to the 5:15 Hatha class on Friday. This is described on the website as a gentler practice.  I'm not sure that's what I'm after.  I like being challenged.  However, the Wednesday class I'm available to attend is called POWER Yoga. Somehow, this does NOT seem like something I'm quite ready for.  I'll be busy Saturday, so I'll miss my pre/post natal class. I'm pretty happy if I get 2 classes in each week. 

So, that's the latest and greatest.  I really don't think AF is going to arrive by the Wednesday deadline and I'm cool with that. It is what it is. I know you guys are TOTALLY excited and ready to move on to the stabbing/shots, weight gain and raging hormones! I sincerely hope to provide you with all those gory details SOON!

A Vomit Story

Don't get excited.  It's not me!  It's actually my cat, Domino. Last night, I chilled on the couch while HB was at the Stanford/Notre Dame game.  Domino was sitting on one of the extra dining room chairs we'd brought in for Thanksgiving. I hear her start to make that wretching sound that indicates a fur ball and whatever she recently ate is on its way up.  I attempt to dash over and push her onto the floor.  It's much easier cleaning cat vomit off hardwood floors than velvet chair cushions.  Everything seemed to move in slow mo. The stupid cushion isn't tied to the chair so it slides off the chair with the cat who is in mid-vomit.  In this wave of motion, vomit flies everywhere.  She managed to hit the cushion she was on, a nice splash on the cushion on the chair next door and a good amount on the floor.  In my efforts to keep the vomit contained to one nice area on the floor, I managed to get it splashed all over the damn place.  I'm sure my neighbors heard me scream, "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCK!" In the future, I will make sure I just let my baby throw up wherever he/she wants. I will not push it on the floor.  Babies are not as agile as cats.

Period Watch 2009-Update 1

Based on my progesterone level, baby doc wants me to just wait it out.  He seems to think AF will arrive sometime in the next 3-10 days.  I'm cool with this.  While I'm ready to get this party started, maybe the delay is my body's way of telling me it's not quite ready. Also, I was thinking now is a more convenient time to get started since my work schedule is changing in January and I won't have the flexibility I have currently. However, I made my peace with this.  There is nothing more important to me/us than this ride we're about to take, so if I need to take time off work and it's inconvenient for others, oh well.  The timing is something I simply cannot control and I need to and have let it go. Besides, I work alot of overtime that keeps others from having to work when they don't want to, so if they can't return the favor, they can suck it. Work really interferes with one's life, doesn't it? Anyhoo, I found this peace after a mere day of contemplation so this yoga and acupuncture business really seems to be working for me!

On another matter completely unrelated to my girly parts, I got a new toothbrush. Now, I know this may not really be blog-worthy, but I just had to share.  I'd been thinking about getting a proper toothbrush for a while.  Had been using the Crest Spin-Pro and was sick of buying batteries for it.  Batteries that seem to go dead in like 10 seconds.  And their disposal is bad for the environment. So, the other day while Googling, I see the feed above has a link to a $15 rebate for an Oral B rechargeable toothbrush. I bookmarked the page and grinned knowing my teefs would soon be cared for by a luxury implement.  While at Costco (what a magical place, 2nd only to Beltramo's) on Sunday I saw the model 4750 with an INSTANT $20 manufacturer's rebate. A $20 rebate on top of the $15 rebate?? "Oh, SNAP!", I said to myself, "It's about to be ON up in my mouth!" I grabbed that puppy and practically skipped out, I was so excited.

When I got home, Steve could not believe a toothbrush inhabited the giant box I carried in. Seems my environmentally conscious choice was offset by the huge, tree killing box I brought home. But wait!  There were TWO in there!  One for each of us!  For some puzzling reason, he was not as I excited as I.  I ripped open the box and discovered it would be 10 hours to fully charge, so it was not going to be on up in my mouth just yet. After 6 hours, I just couldn't stand it.  I brushed. Man, that thing was so powerful, it felt like it was powered by a jet engine. After just one use, my teeth felt positively polished.  Like my teeth had been replaced by pearls.  I kept running my tongue over them in amazement. Still do. So, that's my little happy story. Really, we must delight in the simple things, right?

Period Watch 2009

Put in a call to my clinic yesterday since I was on cycle day 35 and AF had yet to make an appearance.  I don't get it!  That bitch is usually DYING to show herself. And usually at the most inopportune times! Anyhoo, I'm getting my progesterone level checked tomorrow to see if I'm close to starting.  If not, they may put me on something to get things going.  The stuff they usually give, Provera, is a nightmare, from what I've heard.  I'm told it makes you a huge, whiny, emotional, pissed off mess. Bearing this in mind, Steve is really, really hoping AF will show up on her own. Don't know if there's enough yoga in the world to counteract all that. Maybe alcohol combined with yoga would work, BUT...

I'm officially back on the wagon. We recently visited our friends Mark & Bobbi who took a bartending class. They were anxious to show off their skills. Had a couple very small cocktails, probably equal to 1 normal sized cocktail (normal by my boozy standards). Had 1 glass of wine with dinner. Man, I was NOT a happy camper the next morning.  I woke up at 6am with the worst headache and slightly nauseous feeling.  After the Advil wore off, I was feeling crappy again. See, this is why it's terrible to stop drinking.  You MUST keep up your tolerance.  So, back to O'Douls for me after a couple of fancy-free party nights.

It's been a nice, mellow weekend. I've been popping antibiotics for my sinus infection.  The gobs of green goop cleared up yesterday.  My friend, Bree, got me out of bed and into an 8:30 yoga class this morning.  It was my most challenging class yet and I felt like a million bucks afterwards. Steve made some divine pumpkin spice pancakes for lunch.  They were SO delicious! Now, we're chillin' on the couch, watching the 49ers suck and enjoying a nice, crackling fire. I love Sundays.

Fell off the Wagon

More like leapt off the wagon. Screaming with joy! Went to the annual Champagne Gala at Beltramo's last night.  Spent 150 bucks on the non-refundable tickets before our adventures in babymaking started. We got to hang out with 2 of our favorite people on the planet, so I really didn't want to miss it. I also lifted the ban on prohibited items, namely, CHEESE!! A freakin' delicious Italian goat cheese was being served (have I mentioned I'm a cheese whore??) and I am NOT ashamed to say I took more than my fair share. Also, scored a few extra crab cakes. Oh, and the prosciutto!!!! Dear God!  I was in heaven!!

The bubbly was great.  I didn't overindulge. Probably had the equivalent of 2-3 glasses.  I did taste and dump instead of being the lush I usually am, guzzling every last drop of that sweet nectar.  Since I'm a bit of a lightweight, having been off the sauce for several weeks, that sort of behavior might've led to me being carried out and banned for life from Beltramo's. It's one of my happy places, so that would make me really sad.  Seriously, it just smells good in there, like used wine barrels. I was early, so I wandered the aisles gazing longingly at all the stuff I wanted to buy but didn't. I stopped to inhale the aroma. Ahhhhh.

My favorite bubbly of the night was the Dom Perignon, which believe it or not, was not the most expensive Champagne served. It had a lightness and softness about it while still having complexity. It's also a sentimental favorite as it makes me think of my Dad.  The day he retired, he picked up a bottle (he'd never had it before) and invited Steve and me over.  We toasted his 38 years at SFO. Then we used it to wash down our fried chicken.  From Safeway.  It was a great night and a memory I cherish. :::sigh::: I still miss his so so much.

The most expensive bubbly was this one:  http://www.klwines.com/detail.asp?sku=1030627&cid=TPV-Googlebase .  Dig the gold bottle? I wasn't crazy about this stuff.  Though it had the lightness I like, it did not have the complexity of the Dom, IMHO. The rep said it's becoming the new "statement" Champagne and you will probably see old dudes surrounded by 25 year old bimbos partying with it.  I'm sure rappers won't be far behind.

I stayed home from work today and am writing this in bed while my cat, Domino, tries to climb on me. Good practice for having kids hanging off me while I'm trying to do stuff.  Anyhoo, I'm waiting for my doc to call to see if I need to be seen today, My sinuses are a veritable cornucopia of gross, green mucus.  It's super disgusting.  TMI, I know.  Wait, what am I saying?  If you're reading this, you're on Period Watch 2009, so TMI is probably not of concern to you :-P

Speaking of Period Watch 2009, after my acupuncture appointment yesterday, Beth gave me some Chinese herbs to lure AF out of the shadows. I know that heifer is lurking.  If she doesn't make an appearance by Dec 2nd, we'll be benched until January, so hopefully this stuff will work.  I have to dump 4 grams into hot water and drink once in the morning, once in the evening.  I had my first cocktail last night and Beth was accurate when she said it tastes like dirt *-( Joy. Back when I was severely anemic and developed pica (makes you want to eat things that aren't food like dirt and ice), this might've tasted better than a martini to me.  Not so much now. Back then I had to eat several big gulp cups of ice daily.  I HAD to have it.  It was like crack and I was completely jonesin' for it. Fortunately, my iron levels are good now, so my addict days are behind me.

Steve just left for work and he's already been replaced in bed by 2 warm kitties. I'm sucking down orange juice, cuddling with the fur babies and about to catch up on my soaps. Despite the gobs of green mucus, this may be a nice day.

Weekend Report

Aunt Flo, that bitch, has still not shown up. Fortunately, I'm feeling crampy this morning, so hopefully, she'll make an appearance soon. The pangs of pain I had, most likely due to the cysts, have subsided.  Hope that's a good sign!

Hunny Bunny (henceforth known as HB) is back from South America!  Yippieeee! Unfortunately, he's sick too :(  Despite that, we had a lovely weekend sleeping in (with the cats), lounging on the couch (with cats),and catching up on Tivo'd college football (also with cats). Yesterday, he told me he knows the shots and subsequent pregnancy (fingers crossed!) are going to make me all hormonal (read insane) and he's going to give me all the love and support I need. Awwwwwwww :)

So, I was hit with a pizza craving yesterday. Had to have it.  Made a pit stop at Round Table and ordered a King Arthur's Supreme, extra sauce, no cheese (cheese is on Beth's list of no no's).  The guy that took my order looked at me like I was slightly nuts.  I have to say, it was GOOD! All the yumminess with a billion less calories! I decided to allow myself 1 glass of wine per week, so combine that with my pizza and I was in heaven. It was a cheap, 5 buck bottle of Cotes du Rhone, but tasted magnificent. 3 weeks off the sauce makes you appreciate just about anything.

The threat of germs got me out of my dentist appointment this morning.  I didn't feel like going and they didn't want me infecting them. Everyone's happy.

HB is recuperating at home today. I'm still going to hit yoga at 1, then back home to continue this morning's activities, watching Tivo'd cooking shows.  Currently watching Hubert Keller make creamed corn and double-cut pork shops.  Mmmmmmm.
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Who Wants to be Stabbed?!

Cuz I'm an expert now! So, please form a single-file line and I'll get right to ya! The overwhelming intimidation I felt when first faced with giant ass box has POOF!  Disappeared! The measuring and mixing of some medications had me really nervous, but a little practice and it was a piece of cake.  I am so ready to do this, unlike the gal in my class that asked if she should keep her meds in the freezer. Another held the needle upside down and asked if a nurse would call her to remind her to take her meds. I guess for that much money, one might expect a conception concierge of sorts, but come on woman!

Since protein, rice and beans are on the Beth (the acupuncturist) recommended list of foods to eat, I got a burrito for the second day in a row.  No cheese, no sour cream.  Surprisingly, it was good! I'm a condiment whore, so I forget stuff can taste good without a bunch of junk piled on top of it.  Oh, also, I made Beth's banana smoothie this morning.  YUM!  All that protein really held me. I didn't start getting hungry again until about 3.

So now, we wait.  Wait for AF to show up. Still crampy off and on, but nuttin'.  I've never been so anxious to have a period in my life! I pray the next ultrasound is okay and we can get started here.
Many good things to look forward to tomorrow.  Yoga at 11.  Acupuncture at 12:30.  Best of all, hunny bunny is coming home!!!! Yay!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I miss him so much, it's ridiculous.
Now excuse me while I wash down my prenatal vitamin with a non-alcoholic beer. Even though it's non-alcoholic, it still feels naughty somehow....

Hiccup? TBD

Had my baseline ultrasound this morning.  Doc says I have cysts on my ovaries.  This could or could not delay the start of process. Doc wants to do another ultrasound on cycle day 2 to see if they've shrunk.  ::::sigh:::::  Despite having a minor freak out last night about all the meds I'll be pumping into my body, I'm anxious to get started!

On another note, I found dried wheatgrass capsules!!! Is that cheating? I am thrilled! :-D  No more gag-inducing shots of smelly green crap! Woo hoooo!

Went to my 2nd yoga class today.  Still awesome!  I just love the way it makes me feel. I sense I'm going to become an addict. During class, I noticed my pants kept sliding down, which nearly resulted in downward facing crack. Afterwards, I realized I've lost a little weight.  Bet it's from cutting out the booze. Oh booze, how I miss you. Booze make happy.

You know how they say the human body is made up of about 60% water?  Well, I think I'm made up of 60% cheese.  There are 3 delectable wedges in my fridge and they are calling me! Giving up wine was bad enough, but cheese too?? Getting the DTs....

Have class tomorrow to learn to properly stab self. We'll be practicing on oranges. Poor oranges. Anyhoo, my dear friends/neighbors are expert stabbers and will help out when I'm feeling faint of heart.  They will rue the day they offered to help. I'm not a big baby when it comes to needles.  I breeze thru bloodwork. Giving injections to myself, on the other hand, is a different story. Hopefully it'll get easier the more I do it.  I better get used to it since I'll have to continue doing it thru my entire pregnancy. I have to measure out some of the medications and that has me a bit nervous. There's alot riding on me getting this right. GET IT TOGETHER, GIRL!  You can DO this!

Off to bed. Still tired from my cold though, I kicked that cold's ass! Started getting a snotty nose and sore throat Tuesday night. Went home and pounded orange juice, water, Airborne, Zicam, vitamins and Nyquil and slept (in toasty pajamas) for alot of hours.  That really did the trick.  I was well enough to go to yoga by this afternoon.

Tee hee.  One of my kittays, Baddy, is next to me snoring his head off like an old man. This never fails to crack me up.  Anyhoo, time for me to join him.

Baby in a Box

Make that a huge a**, GIANT box.  Got my meds today. See, that's what $6500 will buy you! Holy sh*t. It's alot of stuff.  I've been so crazy excited about getting started.  Now, I'm feeling a little scared and intimidated. I wish Steve wasn't in freakin' Bolivia.  I could use one of his good, solid hugs right about now.  It was a little strange to survey all the goods and think, "Wow.  All this stuff is going to help us make our baby."

 Met my new acupuncturist today, Beth at Many Lives Chinese Medicine.  She seems really cool.  Before I got stuck, we went over my medical history.  She had suggestions on dietary changes.  Kinda funny. She gave me kudos for cutting out alcohol and caffeine.  Then she was like, oh hey, by the way, don't eat any ice cream, cheese or sugar!  WHAT??! BLIMEY! I decided to treat myself to ice cream tonight before I go cold turkey.  I had some Ben & Jerrys strawberry cheesecake in the freezer.  I gobbled it down, picking out all the graham cracker crust chunks.  Yum.

What I can eat is lots of protein, nuts, soup, stews, steamed veggies, rice, beans, brown rice, rice cakes and salad.  Doesn't that sound freakin' delicious?! She gave me a recipe for a protein smoothie to have every morning.  Throw a banana, almond milk (since when do they make milk from nuts??), yogurt and protein powder into the blender and voila!

The acupuncture part was great. I had this sensation of energy coursing thru me towards my girlie parts.  It was weird, but so cool!  Beth is going to be at a conference during a critical time in my treatment.  She likes to do several sessions right around egg retrieval and embryo transfer.  This is suppose to happen right around Thanksgiving. She told me she will have someone on call to tend to me.  How awesome is that??
 My baseline ultrasound is tomorrow.  Have to check the ovaries and make sure all is quiet on the western front.  I'm having some pangs of pain on my right side. I hope it's not a cyst that could delay getting started.  Fingers crossed!

Awwww. Just got a call from Steve.  It's midnight in Bolivia.  He got my text about being scared and wanted to check in. I love him!

I'm Not Bendy

So, I went to my very first yoga class today ( www.peacebankyoga.com ). It was AWESOME!!  I'm not the most flexible person in the world, but by the end of class, I was definitely feeling more bendy.  I felt like I'd had a massage!  I can't wait to go back! The class was full of gals already expecting. They were so cute.  I'm going now to maintain the peaceful feeling I've had lately, practice meditation and breathing exercises, tone up and promote good blood flow to my girlie parts.  I'll be hittin' it at least twice a week for now.
I've had a chill day at home with the kitties. Had a yummy fake chicken pot pie cooked by my dear Maggie.  It was the perfect, comfy fall meal. I'm about to polish off the rest of the milk chocolate chunk and praline cookies she made as well. Steve & I have been inhaling them.  I told my friend her cookies are so amazing, she makes Mrs. Fields looks like some lame, easy-bake-oven-usin' loser! Crampiness continues here and there, but Steve and I are so pumped about getting started, I just know the timing is going to work out just as we need it to.  I am so chock-full of positivity, it's scary!

Still Disgusting!!

Thought I’d outsmart my wheatgrass and turn it into a tasty treat today. Got it to go and dumped it into a reasonably large glass of orange juice at home. The whole thing turned bright, emerald green. It became one giant, gross shot of wheatgrass. I tried to drink it, but the smell! Dear God!  The smell! I held my nose (so not kidding) and sucked it down. Ack!  Bleh! I only felt mildly queasy, but went for the guaranteed antidote anyway, ice cream.  Ben & Jerry’s brownie cheesecake, to be exact.  Had 4 spoonfuls and felt great!  Is that not the weirdest thing?? Anyhoo, looks like there’s just no way to make this a pleasant thing, but I’ll continue to suck it up.  Though complaining about it incessantly on this blog probably isn’t exactly sucking it up, is it? :-P I bet booze would make it taste better!

It’s not looking like my meds are going to get shipped out today, so I’ve got everything crossed hoping AF doesn’t make an appearance this weekend and we have to wait until January. I mean really, do you guys want to hear about 2 more months of wheatgrass??

Head Explosion

Man, when people talk about how stressful this process is, I wonder if they mean because of the insurance madness!! Head nearly exploded at work today when my medical group denied the authorization request for my injectables. Now, you all know me. I am always on top of this sort of thing.  So, of course, I knew this medical group woman was high and my meds are covered 50%.

Lemme back up. All this started yesterday when I got all crampy and PMSy, like AF would arrive ahead of schedule. Early means I must start shootin' up sooner.  Shootin' up sooner means I need my meds NOW.  The weekend's approaching.  BLIMEY! I panicked. Stanford faxed the prescription to Disco Rx in Palo Alto. Disco Rx calls and says Blue Shield denied the authorization.  I call Blue Shield. Blue Shield says it was denied because I'm required to use one of their mail order pharmacies, however, they will allow me to pick the meds up at a local pharmacy the mail order peeps are contracted with. 

 I call the first mail order pharmacy. The guy that answers can barely string together a sentence. Didn't exactly fill me to the brim with confidence. He says they're not contracted with local pharmacies and will only mail prescriptions.  I call the 2nd mail order pharmacy and get the same story. This gal does much better in the grammar department though.  Somehow that made me feel much better. She takes the necessary information to get the ball rolling. She says it could take 2 days to verify my benefits.  2 days?  To make a phone call that will take about 3 minutes??? I managed to stay calm and impressed upon her the time sensitivity factor.  It was nearly 5 , so I think she had a time sensitivity factor of her own. 

 Some other person from mail order pharmacy #2 calls me back today and does NOT leave her name, but does leave a number with an extension that does NOT work.  Have to go through the main number to try to figure out who called me. Once that mystery is solved, I'm informed the bad message leaver is at lunch. Geeeez!  She finally calls back and tells me I need to have Stanford or Disco Rx fax the prescription to them. I call Disco Rx. They fax it. It wasn't received. I call Disco Rx again.  They fax it.  It's received. Great. The pharmacy now needs the authorization from my medical group.  So, I call my medical group.  They say they have to receive the request from Stanford first. So, I call Stanford.  The woman handling my case is at lunch. Argh!  I finally get her on the phone.  She says she will get the request over by 2. I called my medical group back at 2:15. Nuttin'.  I call Stanford back.  They say they sent it.  I call the medical group yet again (is your head exploding yet???!). They find the request. About an hour later, I get a call from Stanford telling me my medical group denied the authorization, stating I have no coverage for home injectables.

So, I've got the medical group she-devil on my cell on my left ear and the Blue Shield lady (who did not mind me addressing her as such) on my office phone on my right ear.  Boss walks by.  Fortunately, he thought it was kinda funny and impressive.  Probably more funny than impressive.  Anyway, Blue Shield lady calls medical group she-devil and gets the whole mess cleared up about 10 minutes before the end of my work day. I was literally on the phone for like 4 hours today dealing with this!!!

To top if all off, I also spent about an hour trying to get squeezed in to see baby doc tomorrow where Steve and I will sign the lengthy consent forms.  Steve is beyond slammed at work, having just taken time off for his arm surgery. He's leaving for Bo-leeev-eeya tomorrow on business. Too bad so sad.  Since AF is threatening to come early, the forms must be signed before he leaves or our timeframe will get jacked. So, he has to rearrange his schedule to sign forms while he's in crunch time. Damn baby!  Not even conceived yet and he/she already has our schedules turned upside down!  :::sigh:::

Today was stressful, but it's over.  The meds are approved.  Our IVF cycle was approved. We are on our way.  Just gotta wait and see when AF decides to make an appearance. I wonder if it'll be smooth sailing? I don't feel stressed. I don't feel anxious.  I'm just excited!

Had a great night celebrating the opening of my homey's yoga studio/active wear shop ( www.peacebankyoga.com ). Great shop!  Great to see friends!  Great to pick out 2 cute little yoga outfits! Great to feel all festive by drinking my Pellegrino out of a flute! Really looking forward to my first yoga class on Saturday.  I'm not all that flexible, so it should be a real hoot!

Now, I'm pooped and hittin' the hay.  The benefit of tomorrow's appointment is I get to sleep in 'til 7:30 instead of my usual 5 o'clock madness!  Wooo hooooo!

I HATE Wheatgrass!

BLEH! ACK! YUCK! Had another double shot today. Didn't want to hurl quite as much, but still felt gross.  Rushed home and pounded an O'Douls to try to get the taste out of my mouth. That didn't work so well.  So, then I had ice cream.  That did the trick! I will take a friend's suggestion and try mixing it with something else. Seriously, just thinking about wheatgrass juice brings a vomitous (is that a word?) look to my face.  When our kid is born, I will tell him/her about this dietary torture.

 I will also make sure as soon as the kid can write, he/she will draft an IOU to mom and dad. Got the estimate on the first round and it was about what we expected, but still!!! $@#%!!!  Better be a Gap baby bringin' in some revenue.

I'm currently wrangling with Blue Shield to authorize my meds.  If this cannot be done in the next couple of days, we may miss our window and have to wait until January.  So, I am all up in Blue Shield's grill. Hopefully, I won't hafta go all angry black woman on them.

My nice nurse lady also gave me my schedule for injections today. For the first 3 days, 2 shots.  Day 4, 3 shots.  Days 5 & 6, FIVE SHOTS. this goes on for 10 days. You get my drift here.  Hella shots. As I've said many times, totally worth it!

So, I had dinner with a friend tonite at one of my fave restaurants in Palo Alto, La Bodeguita. It was strange to be there and not have a mojito.  Actually, I gotta say, since I've stopped drinking, I've never felt better.  I'm so full of energy!  Okay, I just can't.  I can't say such things! I MISS BOOZE! I'm surprised my computer didn't blow up as I typed that nonsense. This is the time of year I really enjoy a nip of scotch in front of a cracklin' fire. In all seriousness though, I miss it, but not so much I'm gettin' the DTs or anything.  Now that we're truly about to get this party started, the possibility of what we could achieve makes giving up booze such a minor thing. 

Alright, I'm gonna crack open an O'Douls and gulp down my prenatal vitamin! G'nite!

It's On!!!

Visit with baby doc went great yesterday! Antral follicle count isn't great, but fortunately does not seem to have deteriorated since I had it checked last year.  For those of you not in the know on this fertility talk, antral follicles are the the resting follicles that can be seen on ultrasound (they appear as black dots on the ovaries). It's a good indication of how many eggs will be retrieved. However, even though you have, say 6 antral follicles, you might not necessarily get 6 eggs or they might not all be mature enough. Of course, on top of that, the eggs that do mature may not all fertilize, even if you use ICSI (that's where they inject a single sperm into the egg). I think they generally like to see 8-10 antral follies on each ovary. Low antral follicle count=diminished ovarian reserve. But hey, IT ONLY TAKES ONE GOOD EGG! That's what I'm holding onto!

So, I have 3 follies on the right (last year there were only 2), one seen clearly on the left, but he thinks there are a couple more there. I ovulated so I have the corpus luteum cyst. It's big and he says it's probably obscuring a couple more. Last year 3-4 were seen on the left side.  Speaking of eggs and sperm doc said, "Hey you should at least get them together for dinner at the same table. If they don't like each other, so be it. At least you will have introduced them!" So, it's full steam ahead!

Also he did a trial run on embryo transfer. He inserted the catheter and followed it on ultrasound. He measured how far in he had to insert it so he'd know how far to go when it's the real deal.

Because of my issues with blood clots, he's not going to put me on bcp first, nor will he do any estrogen priming. He wants me to start heparin injections, I think he said on day 3 of stimulation/shots. As my multiple follicles mature, my estrogen will rise. Rise in estrogen=potential for clots, so the heparin is to offset that risk.

Just spoke to a nurse coordinator and it looks like the stars are all aligning properly.  We're just waiting for clearance from my hematologist, the pharmacy will get the authorization for my meds (which I bet are way more expensive than crack) and we're good to go.  I'll get a baseline ultrasound next week to make sure my ovaries are nice and quiet before we fire 'em up. On Friday the 13th, I'll go to a class to learn how to stick myself. S will be outta town on business, so he'll get in on the tail end of the stabbin'. We'll be aiming for egg retrieval right around Thanksgiving and embryo transfer over the weekend. Woo hooo! If this all works out, we will have so much to be thankful for!

We popped into Jamba Juice today for my wheatgrass shot.  Funny how they serve it up with a slice of orange to bite into afterwards.  It's like tequila, just green, gross and without the buzz!  Don't know what it was about today's shot, but it totally made me want to hurl. Very nearly, right on Steve. Bleh.

Saw a cute little mixed baby today while taking Steve for a post op appointment.  We were all AWWWWW! We're gonna have one of those!  LOL!

Visit with the Blood Doc

So, visit to the hematologist, Dr. P, went about as expected. When I get pregnant, I'll have to give myself shots of heparin everyday. She doesn't want me to use any estrogen in this process, which is close to impossible given my issues. Speaking of issues.....

I had a bit of a crisis of confidence this weekend when my latest FSH results came in on Friday. After 5 days of clomid I'm at 22.4. Not good. It really shook my confidence, but I have my positive mojo back! There are LOTS of stories online about miracle babies born to high FSHers like me. Fortunately, baby doc has worked with and achieved success with lots of high FSHers. In the meantime, I'm going to resume acupuncture, start wheat grass juice every other day, 25 mg DHEA 3x/day, yoga and meditation.

Back to the estrogen thing....considering it can cause blood clots, Dr. P's nervous about me using it at all. Baby doc will confer with her to determine the best course of treatment for me. My guess is they will go ahead with any estrogen priming, but perhaps have me on heparin before I start taking it. So, YAY! I may get to be a human pin cushion for 10 months instead of 9!

On another note, I now have an IVF buddy in England! We have very similar medical histories and will begin this process around the same time. Will be fun to share details with someone going thru all the same madness.

Official consult with baby doc is tomorrow at 2pm! VERY EXCITED!!!!!

Our Doctor's COOL!

Our baby doc, Dr. Milki, at Stanford, is COOL! He's wonderfully animated, funny as hell and somehow gives you the cold hard facts (low success rate) while also making you feel all full of hope. I would be honored to have him make our baby!

The seminar itself was kinda funny. Sort of a seminar/therapy session, as no one seemed to have a problem piping up to confess their particular defect. High FSH! Busted sperm! Bad eggs! Blocked tubes! There was a nice feeling in the room. Support. Eagerness. Excitement. Just makes you hope it works out for everyone.

So, true to form, I had a billion questions. Dr. M answered them all and offered advice. Since I had those pesky-not-quite-killin'-me blood clots in my lungs, Dr. M recommended I see a hematologist, which I will do on Thursday. Might be beneficial for me to be on heparin during treatment. Heparin is a blood thinner that's injected (when in the hospital, I took mine in the gut) daily. Sometimes twice daily depending on how much is needed. It's perfectly safe to take while knocked up, unlike coumadin which can cause severe birth defects. In addition to making my blood flow all smooth-like, it can also help prevent blood clots in the placenta, which can cut off nutrients to the baby and cause fetal death. So, 2 shots a day for 9 months? Totally worth it.

Speaking of shots, I thought S would be totally keen on gettin' to stab me, but he seems to be kinda squeamish about the needles.

Our next appointment, the official consult with Dr. M, is Monday 11/2. During that consultation, I'll get poked and prodded and my medical history dissected to determine a treatment plan. Then we hit the nurse coordinator's office to discuss the scheduling of the treatment plan. Then we meet with a financial coordinator to discuss emptying out our bank account to pay for the treatment plan. Doc will give me a prescription to get my $3000-$6000 worth of medication. Ouch. But again, totally worth it.

Though we are crazy excited, it still doesn't feel quite real to me, that we're actually going through with it. It's been a hope in our hearts and minds for so long. This all just feels like a dream......

And So it Begins.....

Well, it's finally arrived. Steve & I (age 43 & 39) are finally embarking on our IVF journey. Now that the time has finally arrived, we are both crazy excited! Yesterday we had about 7 or 8 little hellions running around our place. Despite the breaking stuff, scuff marks on walls (how'd they do that??!), booger picking (and eating) and cat tormenting, we are still completely stoked to try to have one of our own!

Lemme give you a little history on what brought us to this point...In 2006, my OB discovered I had a ginormous fibroid. About the size of a small orange. Couple of golf balls in there as well. Had those removed in 2006 even though we had no immediate plans to try to get pregnant. Subsequent visits to OB showed signs of severe and aggressive endometriosis. I was able to see one of the country's leading endo docs. He went in, removed a couple of small fibroids and cleaned up the endo in early 2008. Later in the year, I visited 3 different reproductive endocrinologists. A friend of mine encouraged me to not get into bed with the first RE that kissed me :-) So, anyway, after further testing, my tubes appeared to be blocked and full of fluid. All 3 docs advised having a bilateral salpingectomy. This is fancy talk for removal of the fallopian tubes. The reason for this is the fluid can leak into the uterus and create a hostile environment for the embryos and keep them from implanting.

On top of all that, my endo was worse than ever. It invaded my colon, for chrissakes! So, we head back to endo doc for what my guy and I determined would be my last surgery. Tubes removed, endo removed, a couple of small fibroids removed. And don't let me forget the bowel resection. About 11 centimeters of my of my colon cut out and they stitched it right back together! I should be all ready to go, but noooooooo! My surgery ended up lasting for almost SIX HOURS and I developed pulmonary embolus. That's fancy talk for blood clots in my lungs that could've killed me. PE is the leading cause of death in hospitals. I thanked my lucky stars I had such stellar docs that recognized the symptoms before it was too late. I was sent home with an old lady pill box, a pill cutter (nifty!), and a prescription for the blood thinner, coumadin. I was to be on it for 6 months, which is how long endo doc said I should wait to try to get knocked up.

So, I'm off coumadin. I've done a battery of tests to make sure I'm not genetically predisposed to getting PE (I'm not, thankfully). This past week, Steve & I did all the prerequisite tests to prepare for this journey. We're good to go. Step one is the seminar we will go to tonite. It's mostly to get an overview of the process (this is mostly for S, as I am all studied up). We will also get to meet our baby doc and interview him. Our official consultation is next Monday. That's when we'll decide on a treatment plan and it's full steam ahead!

I started this blog as a way to keep all of you who have been so supportive in the loop. This is sure to be an emotional, but exhilarating ride.Thanks for all the love. Send warm fertility fuzzies into the universe for us!