I'm Ready For My Close Up

So says Samuel :) Looks like our boy will be able to list cover model on his resume. This year marks the 20 year anniversary of Lucile Packard Children's Hospital. The hospital's media director approached us about participating in an interview on the preemie/NICU experience with the Palo Alto Weekly. We are so happy with the stellar care Sam is receiving, we were more than willing to sing LPCH's praises to anyone that will listen. We did not know Sam was going to be on the cover. After my 5:30 a.m. pumping, I threw a sweater over my pajamas and hit a newsstand on University Ave. Imagine my surprise when I saw Sam's cute face, big as day, on the cover. Pretty neat thing to put in his baby book. Here are links to the 3 sections of the story:

Feature story: Delivering hope at Lucile Packard Lucile Packard Children's Hospital celebrates 20 years of evolving medical care http://www.paloaltoonline.com/news/show_story.php?id=21263

Bringing a new culture to hospital care http://www.paloaltoonline.com/news/show_story.php?id=21265

Milestones at Lucile Packard Children's Hospital Research, surgical and clinical highlights, 1991-2010 http://www.paloaltoonline.com/weekly/story.php?story_id=14957

After being extubated and put back on CPAP on Tuesday, Sam is having a great week! He's been holding steady. What a thrill to see. I was able to hold him again Wednesday morning and Thursday night. Feeling his warmth against my chest is just heaven. Daddy is looking forward to a cuddle session tonite.

Mom & Dad took a brief break from the craziness to do some grown up stuff. Early in the week, we headed over to the tennis center at Stanford to watch the Gators defeat the Cardinal for the Women's doubles and team tennis championships. Go Gators!

Last night, we had a nice dinner at some newish bistro/wine bar in PA with Auntie Sophia and Uncle Milk Man after they met Sam for the first time. It was a nice break in the craziness that is our life. We are so relieved things are looking up this week. I'm almost scared to be happy, as another crisis might crop up. We're trying to take things day by day and enjoy each little victory.

Boys Night In

Is this not the cutest picture EVER?! Knowing what a powerful moment it was for me to hold Jr. for the first time, I couldn't wait for Daddy to experience that. Sunday night, it was time. Steve's heart absolutely melted. I loved watching him hold Sam so tenderly, rocking him and telling him what a sweet, good boy he is. It was a lovely way to end a very sad and traumatic weekend.

Samuel has been doing great this week. Perhaps his visit from Auntie Dayna is what has him in such a good mood :) During this morning's visit, we learned Sam will be having a big day. He's being removed from the ventilator this afternoon and placed back on CPAP. Hopefully, his little lungs have gotten a bit stronger and he can maintain this time. Fingers crossed.

The bandage was taken off the incision from his surgery. It's healing so well, you can hardly see it. Fountain of youth. If Sam was hoping to show off his scar in an attempt to be a bad ass, he's out of luck.

Send the loving vibes this afternoon and wish little Sam big strength!

Joy & Sorrow

During my afternoon/evening visit with Sam on Friday, the NICU was abuzz with activity as they prepared for the arrival of a new little guy being born at 34 weeks. It was crazy how many people were running around setting things up. I heard, "He's coming!" Then seconds later, another tiny little being arrived and the team fervently worked on him. Though wearing scrubs, the worried dad was easily identified, as he stood by watching his brand new son being poked, prodded and hooked up to machines. It made me think about how Steve must have felt being in those same shoes 3 weeks ago. That made me think of all the trauma that led up to Sam's arrival. I was shaken and had to leave the room. I didn't want to be reminded of those scary moments Steve suffered wondering if our son was going to make it

I enjoyed a nice long visit Saturday. Sam enjoyed meeting his Auntie Kris. I was thrilled to learn I would get to hold Sam again, but things didn't work out. The baby boy that arrived last night, we'll call him Baby Boy N, Sam's neighbor to the west, was having alot of trouble. There was also a little girl, Sam's neighbor to the north, that arrived the previous night after we left, who was in bad shape. We'll call her Baby Girl M. Both babies were having alot of distress and all the nurses were pitching in to help. It was way too crazy in there for our nurse to orchestrate the hand off from bed to my chest.

M's parents were sobbing at their child's bedside. Obviously, things weren't good. I felt for them and wanted to wrap them both up in a loving embrace and tell them it would be okay, but it soon became clear it wouldn't be. 2 by 2, family members came in to see M. Then the priest showed up. Next thing I know, the entire family was allowed into the NICU (only 2 people at the bedside usually allowed) and they gathered around M's bed. The priest baptized her and prayers were said. I prayed with them. The pain they felt was palpable. I left that afternoon feeling so sad, wondering how an innocent baby girl could be subjected to such cruelty. When we returned that evening, M was gone.

That evening, the nurse immediately asked if we wanted to hold Jr. Of course, we were so excited. He was placed in my arms and it just felt perfect. Such a tiny little treasure. I kissed his little head and never wanted to let him go.

Baby N, was surrounded by various doctors and nurses. He was hooked up to machines I'd never seen before. So many. I started hearing the words "comfort" and "morphine". My heart dropped and we realized what was about to happen. He was taken away, we assume to spend his last moments with mother, who was unable to come from her room to see him. Then the staff put up screens around his bed and started breaking down all the equipment. N was gone. The screens were suppose to be for our benefit, so we would some how be less affected by what was going on, but watching the massive amounts of equipment being broken down and carried out, the screens couldn't hide a thing. We held each other and looked down at our beautiful Sam, who continues to do so well, realizing how lucky we are despite the long road ahead. We were filled with joy and sorrow at the same time. It all just seemed so unfair.

The respiratory therapist apologized for what we had to witness, but explained there would be another baby along that would need the bed. We knew that, but it didn't make our hearts ache any less for those families and the loss they suffered. We enjoyed our quiet time with Sam and didn't leave until after 1am. We're not religious people but we held hands and said prayers for Baby M and Baby N and their families before bed, wishing them comfort and peace.

Look at your beautiful children. Listen to their laughter and think of how it makes your heart smile. Remember how lucky you are they are safe and well. There are so many things that could have gone wrong. Be eternally grateful for everything that went right. Hold them tight.

Upward Trend

After a wild and wooly weekend, we are happy to report Sam is doing much better this week. He turned the corner on Tuesday. I think. The days are all a blur. Anyway, he's much more stable and has been weaned down on the ventilator quite a bit. We expect he'll be off it and back on the CPAP next week. He's gotten rid of the fluid that had him puffy and looking like E.T. He looks like his adorable self again. Doc thinks the fluid in in his lungs is drying out a bit too.

A 2nd ultrasound of Sam's head this week showed no signs of a brain bleed, so looks like he's out of the woods on that front. One less thing to worry about.Yay!

Feedings of Mommy's milk were discontinued, but were started up again a couple of days ago. So far, he seems to be tolerating it well. He's been pooping and farting like a champ. While we may curse this when he's a grown boy, its a great sign for now that his digestive tract is moving stuff along. Last night's attempted diaper change was a hoot. He was wet and fussy. As soon as I got the wet diaper out from under and the clean one in place, he started to poop. I wiped his butt and was ready to slather his bottom with Aquaphor. He pooped again. Seriously?? Got him all cleaned up and another diaper in place. Guess what?? HE POOPED! Gaaaaahhh! Jr. is going to make sure I have this diaper change thing down! The next attempt was successful. Geez!

Samuel received members of his fan club late this week. Nanny (Gramma Foster), Auntie Maggie and Auntie Cynthia popped in for a quick look see. They all agree he is just precious and I must agree :)

A special thanks to Uncle Bruce and Aunt Sophia. They are storing all our milk in their brand new freezer in their garage. It's insane how quickly ours filled up. Bruce came by with a cooler, packed it up and off he went. We now refer to him as Uncle Milk Man.

Also, a big thanks to my Communications posse for the bouquet we received yesterday. Flowers? Oh no. It was a bouquet of COOKIES!! It was waiting for us when we arrived home around 11pm last night. After a late dinner, we scarfed a couple of them down. Delicious.

Jr. is going to be a well dressed little dude thanks to Jon & Mikhaela, Tammara and Bree. They all sent/delivered tiny little man sized threads this week. I think a photo shoot with a few wardrobe changes is in order when Sam comes home.

It's been such a relief to see Sam looking so comfortable and not in distress this week. Hopefully, this is the beginning of an upward trend. Keep up the good work, honey!

The Worst Day Yet

What a weekend. Chock full of excitement. Not the good kind. Sam is having a rough time as he recovers from Friday's surgery. Though we're told what he's experiencing is par for the course (I might punch the next person that says that to me in the nose), it sucks. Horribly. He's been retaining a lot of fluids all over, including his lungs. Hence, his new nickname of Puff Baby. After administering diuretics, he started peeing up a storm and is looking like himself again, but still has fluid in his lungs. Diuretics are being increased to try to dry his lungs out.

The most terrifying incident occurred yesterday. Shortly after we arrived, he had a terrible desat. The saturation of oxygen in his blood should be between 85 and 95. I remarked to the nurse his color didn't look good. Then it got hairy. His levels steadily started falling and upping his oxygen a bit wasn't doing the trick as it usually does. The nurse decided to bag him, meaning administer breaths manually. That wasn't working either and the nurse feared his breathing tube had dislodged. They prepared to remove it and re-intubate. His numbers fell into the 50s. The respiratory therapist and another nurse were called over. Steve and I stood by, watching Sam turn blue. We thought he was going to die. His numbers dropped into the 30s. Our hearts were in our throats and we felt helpless. His chest did not rise and fall. Soon after, his numbers began to climb. It appeared there was in issue with tubing on the ventilator that required some fiddling to correct. Steve and I held onto each other and exhaled, still not believing what we had just witnessed.

When things settled down, the nurse raised the roof on spaceship and we were able to touch him. I cried at his bedside and told him he better never do that to us again. This being a parent business sure ain't for the faint of heart. If someone told me Sam would recover fully and never have a moment of distress again, but I had die, I would lay down my life for him without hesitation. I know Daddy would too. The love we feel for this little guy is just...It's just....I don't even know how to describe it.

We were at the hospital for 12 hours yesterday, too scared to leave him. The nurse on the night shift let us help change out his bedding. I changed a whole bunch of diapers, a bandaid on his boo boo and we rubbed him down with Aquaphor. I think she sensed we really needed some closeness to the boy and needed to feel like we could do a little something. Bless her.

When we finally made it home, I washed my face, ate about a dozen thin mint cookies that had been in the freezer (You must try this. Yum.), pumped and collapsed.

So, we just watch and wait and hope his lungs dry out soon and we can put this weekend behind us.

Funny story....A couple nurses told us there was another baby Samuel in the NICU not long ago and his bed was in the exact spot as our Sam's. He got well and went home, but his spirit must've stayed behind since that spot is where I had my vision of naming our boy Sam. Kinda freaky coincidence, no? The nurses did say the other Samuel's parents insisted he be called Samuel, NOT Sam. Snobs! :-P

I'm happy to report my cankles (why doesn't my spell check recognize cankles?) are gone! I'm unhappy to report that issue has been replaced by a very unfun new one. Apparently, my hormones are raging and causing extreme night sweats and occasional hot flashes. Awesome! This is supposedly quite normal after giving birth, but dang! I feel like I'm getting my ass kicked straight into menopause! Can a sista catch a break up in here??

The nurse practitioner in charge decided to try to feed Sam breast milk today through the tube to his tummy. Sam's personal nurse, Auntie Brigid, got everything set up and let me give it to him. Indirectly, but from Mommy's boob, nonetheless :)

After I finished pumping earlier, a drop fell on my hand and I licked it without thinking. It was really, really sweet. Don't know what I expected. I relayed this to Steve and watched his face scrunch up in disgust. LOL! Maybe I can get him to try it with a stack of Oreos like Ross did on Friends. Ha!

Oh crap! With all of yesterday's craziness, I forgot we did actually venture out on Saturday for a bit for a family dinner with the Smiths (Ollivette and E. Gary) and the Miles-Hances (Gary and Paul). Cherie even made a guest appearance! Yay! We're not comfortable being more than 10 minutes from the hospital, so having to travel the whole 90 seconds to the Smiths, made it easy. It was great to be with good friends, enjoying good food and conversation. Auntie Eija and Uncle Chris stopped by to drop off a scrumptious casserole, which is warming up for lunch right now. Time to eat, try for a nap and head back to the little guy, who is having a much better day today.

Where Did The Week Go??

Wooo wee! This week has flown by. Our little Sam is 2 weeks old! Can you believe it?!

2 more firsts for the week. Mommy got to change Sam's poopy diaper on Wednesday. Little as he is, Samuel was able to make it a blow out of sorts. Thanks, kid!

To go with along with this, Sam also gave me the finger. I wonder if he didn't like my singing? Where is he learning this naughty stuff? Maybe I need to put one of those stuffed bear nanny cams in his incubator to see what those nurses are up to :-P Actually, our boy has nice long fingers and does funny things with them. The middle one came up and stayed. The others followed a few seconds later. As you can see in the photo above, he's managed to find his mouth and tries to stick his fingers in there often. Serious cuteness. He's also making all the cute faces that babies make. Lots of adorable yawns. Oh, he also likes to scowl alot too. I just want to eat him up! His little face is filling out a bit and he looks more like a baby instead of a wrinkly old man. He still has the old man booty though. Hopefully, he'll get more meat on his bones soon.

On a more serious note, our boy has a condition called patent ductus arteriosus (PDA). Before birth, a baby’s blood is oxygenated by the placenta, not the lungs. Because of this, the circulatory system of a fetus is very different from that of a newborn baby. A small amount of blood goes to the lungs to nourish them, but most of a fetus’s blood bypasses the lungs completely. Instead of going to the lungs, blood flows through the ductus arteriosus (a hole between the pulmonary artery and the aorta) and out to the rest of the body.

After birth, the baby begins to breathe and the lungs start to oxygenate the blood. When this happens, the PDA should close, allowing blood to flow freely to the lungs. However, when the ductus arteriosus does not close, deoxygenated blood flows through the PDA, into the aorta, and out to the body instead of going to the lungs to become oxygenated.

Most small PDAs will close on their own, with no treatment. Unless a baby is having a lot of symptoms from a PDA, doctors will simply monitor the baby closely and wait for the ductus arteriosus to close. A baby may be put on fluid restriction while doctors wait for a PDA to close. This helps reduce the symptoms of a PDA because the heart has less blood to pump and doesn’t have to work as hard. Samuel's is on the moderate to large side. Attempts to treat with medication didn't work too well. They could try a different medication, but the restriction of fluids and halting of feedings can cause other issues. There's no guarantee the meds would work anyway, so Sam will be having surgery tomorrow, most likely.

At first thought, surgery seemed really scary on such a tiny guy. We spoke to several doctors and nurses that said this procedure is so common, they do it all the time and it takes longer to set up for it than to actually do it. It's done in the NICU and takes less than 30 minutes, but usually around 15. This is actually the less sucky of the 2 possible diagnoses for his issues. The other was some sort of infection, which could travel throughout his whole body and cause terrible things like meningitis. Fortunately, all his lab work does not indicate infection.

Sam will probably have a couple of crummy post op days, just like anyone who has surgery. Hopefully, the increase in fluids and restarting of feedings will put him on the desired path. PDAs can cause all the issues he's having, so we're hoping to see more of an upward trend. We're hoping to have him off the ventilator next week. We'll let you know how he does.

Okay, started this entry last night, but didn't finish, so here I am. We got the call this morning that Sam's surgery would be at 11am. I was at a doc appointment, so didn't get there in time to see him before he went under. Daddy told him I said hi though :) Sam's PDA was larger than appeared on the echo, so 2 tiny little clamps were required to ligate the vessel instead of one. The procedure was over in less than 30 minutes and the surgeon said everything went well. We went in to see little dude shortly thereafter. He was spread eagle in his bed and completely stoned on morphine. The nurse said he probably wouldn't wake up until tonight. His vitals were rock solid, which is a great sign. Phew! Glad to have that over with and look forward to seeing him rebound from this. Keep up the great work, little guy! Mommy and Daddy love you!

Time for some serious shout outs once again to the Auntie Brigade. Sam enjoyed meeting his Auntie Dayna on Monday! Dayna also brought us a delicious meatloaf, scalloped potatoes and a cherry pie. I'm warming some up as we speak for lunch. Auntie Tammara came by yesterday. Sam was doing some hand holding with both the ladies. 2 weeks old and already a playa! Auntie Maggie kicked my ass for trying to do laundry. She took over, washed 3 loads and folded it all Martha Stewart style. Auntie Kris sent Mom and Dad a gift basket from Cowgirl Creamery. Mmmmm, cheese! We're going to try to find an hour over the weekend to sit on the patio and enjoy. Thanks so much gals! You're the best and we love you!

On a gossipy note, when I left the hospital a bit ago, I saw Alex Smith leaving the hospital with his wife and new baby. And for those of you that know me so well, NO, I did not interrupt their Hallmark moment to give Alex some pointers on his game :-P Congrats to the Smith family! That's all I gotta say.

On a completely unrelated note, I saw a Ford Pinto on the road on my way home. When's the last time you saw one of those rusty buckets???

I can't believe 13 days ago, we weren't sure Samuel would survive. Now, we feel he's going to do just great. He just needs to bake in another oven for awhile. He continues to be quite feisty, which the doctors say is a great sign. Somehow, I think we're already seeing exactly who he's going to be :)

Time to enjoy my meatloaf. I might even manage to get a short nap in. Woo hooo!

Weekend Update

From teammartz.com

Let's finish up Friday. On Friday evening, Sam opened his eyes widely quite a bit. His eyes look brown, maybe even light brown. Kinda hard to tell with the club lighting in there. I spoke to him and when Steve, who was standing above me, chimed in, Sam's eyes clearly looked in his direction. He may not be able to see Dad yet, but obviously recognizes his voice.

It's been a tough weekend for our little guy. He continues to have clusters of episodes where he stops breathing for an extended period of time. It's a combination of his brain not being developed enough yet to remind him to breathe and the muscles in his chest wall not being strong enough. He just gets tired. We're told he will grow out of this around 34 weeks. Additionally, the oxygen levels in his blood go down, which is called desaturation or a desat. He sometimes has a difficult time coming back from this without help from the nurse or doc. They turn up the oxygen a bit to get him back. There's been talk of putting him back on the ventilator for the past couple of days. The nurse said she would call us if that happened. Each morning we woke up without getting a call in the middle of the night, we breathed a sigh of relief. Until...

I roused myself to pump Sunday morning. Shortly after I finished, Steve's phone made a buzzing sound while he was in the shower. For some reason, I immediately thought it was his mom, as I'd left her a message the previous night. Then my phone rang immediately thereafter. It was a Stanford number. I called Steve into the bedroom as I answered. The doc told us Sam continued to have a rough time of it. A chest x-ray showed some haziness in his right lung, which could indicate some sort of infection or pneumonia. Their concern with tiny babies is the infection won't stay in one place, so they took blood and urine to check for signs of infection elsewhere and here's the scary part....They would be doing a spinal tap to pull a little fluid to check for infection there as well. The thought of a needle being put in Sam's spine was terrifying and I lost it trying to relay all this to Steve. We dressed and dashed off to the hospital.

After a few hours there, the decision to put him back on the ventilator was made while I was off pumping in the parent's lounge. Steve came to tell me the news. Neither one of us wanted to see this happening, so we waited in the hallway for awhile. We went in when they were finished, but were still fiddling with things to get them exactly as they wanted them to stabilize him. They also performed another x-ray to ensure the tube was placed in the right spot. Nurses and doctors keep saying he's doing well, all things considered and he's way better off than many kids in the NICU right now. Sure doesn't make our hearts ache any less to see him struggle. It also makes my heart ache for the other babies that aren't doing so well and the parents that are out of their minds with worry for their little ones. We stayed for a bit longer, then headed home. More pumping and a very late, but scrumptious Mother's Day breakfast prepared by Hoty.

After a much needed nap (and more pumping), we headed back. Jr. had a much better afternoon. He was stable. Urine results were not yet in. The preliminary results on the spinal fluid were negative, but the final results would be available in a couple days after the lab checked to see if any bacteria grew. Blood culture would take 2 days as well.

It was time to change his diaper and bed linens, so one nurse had to hold him up while the other worked quickly. Sam was PISSED to be disturbed and boy did he let us know it. His face was a wrinkled in a fit of rage. After he got nice and comfy again, things settled down. We just hung out and held hands. There were times he gripped my finger so tightly, he must've been dreaming he was arm wrestling or something. At times, he opened his eyes to check us out. After his birthday at 9:08pm, I read him a story, a wonderful book called On The Day You Were Born, a gift from his Aunt Debbie. He seemed to really dig it.

Though we are sad he's had a set back, we are also relieved he's getting a break. He did so well for so long and he's just pooped. The nurse reminded us the overall picture will show a continuous climb on the graph, but it'll be a squiggly line with lots of dips. While we were there, we heard a stat request over head for a neonatologist to the delivery room of a youngster born with one kidney. Just heartbreaking. Things could be so much worse.

Amazingly, little Sam has already managed to snag a Gmail account. Wonder how he pulled that off?! I received this message from him in the midst pumping:

Hi Mommy,

I just wanted to wish you a Happy Mothers Day. It's our first one together and it makes me really happy to be able to spend it with you. Sorry I didn't get you anything.

I really appreciate you visiting me in the hospital. And I know it's been hard for you to see me like this and I wish I didn't have to be in here either. I want to be home with you all curled up on the couch snuggling.

I wanted to tell you that it means a lot when you come to see me. I really like it when hold my hand and talk to me. It makes feel like a very special boy. I'd give anything for you to hold me again.

Don't worry about me though. I'm doing all my breathing exercises and I'm eating all my TPN (it tastes yucky, blech) but the nurses are really nice.

I love you, Mommy. See you soon.

Love,
Sam

Now, if that doesn't bring you to tears, you're a robot! I cried my eyes out. Somehow, Sam managed to get a present after all. One mani-pedi and a card for Mommy!

Thank YOU, my beautiful Samuel for being such a strong boy with a fighting spirit. You're a warrior. Thank you for making me a Mom, your Mom. I will always be so proud you are my son. I love you so, so much

Boys Will Be Boys

Last night and today brought some exciting firsts. Last night, I heard Sam cry for the first time. He was miffed to be getting his diaper changed and had to let us know it. Hearing him just made my heart puff up with happiness and my eyes puff up with tears. It was the cutest little cry I'd ever heard.

Today, the nurse let me take Jr.'s temperature under his arm. Then the fun part came. I got to change his diaper! As soon as I got the dirty diaper off, what did he do? He peed on me!!! He is a boy through and through. Couldn't help but laugh :) He also expressed his discontent by crying some more. I wish I'd been able to record that sweet sound.

The nurse practitioner we really like was there this afternoon. She always gives us such detailed information on his condition. She said they all continue to be impressed with how well he's doing and how much better shape he is in than other preemies his age. She said most moms of 24-25 weekers usually only get one steroid shot for the lungs or don't get one at all. The fact that I got both and had a full 29 hours after the second shot, could have played a huge part. That's not to say he has rock star lungs. He still has his struggles, but things could be so much worse. For that, we are so very grateful.

I tried to sing At Last to Samuel today. I always get choked up by the 2nd verse. I'll need to work on that :)

Things Are Looking Up!

Did I mention what a fantastic day yesterday was?? Well, it got even better. I returned for another visit in the afternoon with Auntie Maggie in tow (Sam's first visitor and confessed future kidnapper). We ran into the neonatologist on the way in. He advised that morning's ultrasound of Sam's head came back clear of brain bleeds. Brain bleeds are very common in preemies, especially the youngest ones. The more severe bleeds can cause conditions such as cerebal palsy and other developmental issues. These bleeds usually show themselves in the first week of life. If they don't show up by then, they are less likely to show up down the line. Sam's noggin' is lookin' good! The official radiology report wasn't in yet, but doc was confident of the results. Yay! I may just pass out from the happiness of all this good news!

This morning brought even more good news. Jr. is now tippin' the scales at 2lb 2oz!! I told Steve yesterday he looked a tiny bit plumper and I was right. Now that his digestive issues seem to be resolving, he is getting a bit of Mommy's liquid gold added to his IV diet. I've got a nice stockpile of popsicles waiting for him. And while we're on the subject, I have to give a shout out to my bud, Sade. She dropped off a bustier type garment that allows me to pump hands free. LIFE CHANGING!!!!!! I may just be pumping while writing this post! :-D

Also, we were in the NICU for morning rounds today. Doc confirmed no brain bleeds, which is unusual in a preemie so young. He said Sam is doing, "exceptionally well." Exceptionally well! He is VERY pleased with his progress. So much so, he's asked us several times if we were certain of the date of conception since the boy seems ahead of the curve. Consdering the very calculated orchestration it took to get him in my womb in the first place, yes, we are dead certain.

I had to pick up a prescription today. The pharmacy is on the same block as my face waxing expert. My face seems have enough errant hairs that Jr. may start mistaking me for his Daddy. Popping in seemed a wise decision. Also, if my eyebrows are fabulously groomed, perhaps it will distract people from these CANKLES I'm sporting. :::sigh::: My feet are so swollen, it looks like my toes could pop off at any moment. If you happen to be around me, you may wanna sport some protective eye gear. And I had the nerve to wear shorts! Doc says the fluid rentention should resolve itself in the next week. We shall see.

Had our nite nite visit with the wee one. Breathing wasn't as stable as earlier today, but the ups and downs are to be expected. Over all, he's still doing much better than expected.

Gotta give another shout out to my girls Debbie and Yonah! They both came by with delicious food today. With all the pumping, hospital visits and attempts to sleep (mostly unsuccessful due to constantly hearing the dings and bells from the NICU monitors in my mind 24/7), cooking has been a challenge. I didn't think it would be. I was so wrong.

Sam is officially 1 week old tonite! Happy Birthday to our sweet son!

And He Shall Be Named....

Hello All! Between all the pumping and hospital visits, I haven't gotten my updates out. This will catch you up on all that's been happening with the boy.


Saturday, April 30 2011


Jr. continues to do so well despite his rough start in life. He's been off the ventilator since Friday afternoon. He's breathing air just like you and I do. He's just doing it in a combo sauna/tanning bed. He's wearing a little contraption over his nose called a CPAP (continuous positive airway pressure) to help him take deeper breaths to puff up his little lungs. Breathing is tough business for such a little dude, but he's up to the task.

Some have expressed disappointment in my recent lack of dietary commentary. Here's a quick one. Breffus still good. How can you go wrong with bacon and eggs?? Friday's lunch was not so great. Some kind of Asian noodle thing with pork. The pork was super tasty, but the noodles were bland. Ack! I conned my way into another delicious lamb chop dinner Friday night. It was from a special menu I was only suppose to be able to order from once. Since I changed rooms, they got all confused and I got a second shot. Wooo hoo! We were on a roll until last night's dinner. Some salty pork loin thing that failed miserably. Thankfully we had back up in the form of a salami sandwich and cheesecake delivered by Auntie Kris.


Steve continues to be Husband of the Year (heretofore known as Hoty, so we'll stick with that). Since I'm being sprung tomorrow , I need provisions. Hoty ran all over Palo Alto yesterday to procure a breast pump, a nursing bra and pads and NIPPLE CREAM. I got some some panicked texts from the drug store aisles while in search of maxi pads. "Kotex?? Always?????" I said, "Always!" "How many??", he asks. I said, "The biggest pack you can get!" Then he asks, "Purple or orange??" What???? I said, "Uh, orange??? Go Gators!" In the midst of all this, I was receiving texts from Auntie Kris, who was lost and trying to make her way to Mt. View. She let me know she was on El Camino and passing Stanford. Again. I'm glad I had recently popped some percocet. Otherwise my incision would've been killing me, I was laughing so hard!


Jr. heard his first lullaby last nite. It was the acoustic version of At Last performed by our dear friends Dan and Wandah that accompanied me down the aisle at our August wedding. Steve cued it up on his new iPhone (our other new baby) and played it through one of the incubator port holes. I think he loved it. I sang to our boy through tears as I realized how the lyrics now have a new meaning for me. My heart certainly was wrapped up in clover the night I saw him. Okay, crying again. I would say I gotta stop doing that, but somehow I think I will always be powerless to the all consuming love I feel for him that makes me such a softie.


We appreciate your continued prayers and well wishes!
Love,
Team Martz

Sunday May 1, 2011

So, I'm home. And while I'm thrilled to have clean hair again, leaving our little one behind in the NICU was the hardest thing I've ever had to do. Felt like my heart was being ripped out. I loved being just down the hall from him. I was constantly in and out of the nursery, which was great. We're only 10 minutes away now, but it feels like 10 hours. I don't know how people who live a great distance from the hospital do it.

Trying to get settled in to the whole pumping madness. Seriously, it's a friggin' JOB. Every 3 hours. The factory officially opened for business on Sunday. My slacking left boob finally decided to join the party and I was off to the races. I'm glad I'm able to do this for Jr and feel that I'm contributing to his development even though he's no longer in my tummy.

Tuesday May 3, 2011

Jr. had a tough day yesterday. Breathing was very difficult for him. He had alot of episodes where he stopped breathing. Witnessing your child stop breathing is more than unsettling. And it happened as we were on our way out. Not how you like to leave things. We left feeling discouraged and sad. When we went back last night, he'd been switched to a different style of mask and was doing MUCH better. We were so relieved.

Today was a better day on all fronts. His breathing was good and he pooped! TWICE! There's been some concern about his digestive tract not moving things along so well, so this was great news! He was given a teeny, tiny sliver of a suppository and it did the trick. He was so impressed with his bad self, he decided to poop again while we were there. Show off. While the nurse changed out his bedding, Steve got to hold his son in his hands. I think he (Steve, not Jr.) held his breath the whole time. I could see the look of amazement in his eyes and it was beautiful. Speaking of eyes, Jr opened his quite a bit. We know he can't see us, but it sure looked like he was looking right at his Daddy while he was holding him.

Wait, wait! There's more! We didn't think the day could get any better, then Nurse Brigid told us I would get to hold him outside of his incubator. She got me situated in a chair, then she and another nurse orchestrated the move from incubator to my chest. I held our son for the first time. Hands down the BEST moment of my entire life. So tiny and so warm. He seemed very content and chill. He even made a couple of baby sounds we'd never heard before. It was amazing. I had to try very hard to keep it together and not cry all over him, I was so overcome with emotion. Once I got over my initial weeping, I just felt a peace like I'd never felt before.

So, the news you've all been waiting for! What did we name the boy?! Our son's name is Samuel Lamont Martz. We will call him Sam. So not what I thought we'd name him, but I had a moment that changed everything. We were in the nursery on day 2 of his life and I had this vision while gazing at him. I was at the back screen door at home and called out to this curly-haired boy, "Saaammmm!" He turned to look at me with big brown eyes. In that moment, in my mind, he was Sam. My heart instantly connected to the name in a way so powerful, it's hard to even describe. I looked at him and he even just looked like a Sam, you know? So now, we are 3, Team Martz - Steve, Stacey and Sam. Pretty cute, huh? :-D Lamont is, of course, in honor of my beloved Pop. I know he's looking out for his boy now. How proud he must be to have such a beautiful grandson that will carry on his name.

These coming months are going to be a roller coaster. We know it's going to be a 2 steps forward, one step back kinda thing, so keep Sam in your prayers. He's a tough little guy, but he can use all the good wishes he can get. Much love to you all.

Steve, Stacey & Sam