8 Weeks Old!

Yes, it's true. Our little man came crashing into the world 8 weeks ago. He started at 1lb 13 oz and is now 4lb 3oz! Here he is today with one of his primary nurses, Brigid. A dose of cuteness for the day :)

Father's Day

Feels like a looong time since I last posted. It's been another crazy week. One where I felt like time was always getting away from me. Well, this always happens. This past week was just particularly bad.

Sam has had ups and downs in the last 9 days, but is still doing great. The sprinting experiment failed. He did really well for a while, but his little lungs just pooped out. He was placed back on CPAP solely to give him time to recover. The doc decided to try again yesterday, 3 hours on, 3 off. He's doing much better this time and his time on the cannula has been upped to 6 hours. Way to go, Sammy!

I pointed out a little baby to Steve the other night. She was 2lbs 11oz at birth. I can't believe Sam weighed almost a pound less than her when he was born!!! Still blows my mind. Especially since our little dude just busted FOUR POUNDS!!! Yes, indeedy! Our boy is growing like a weed!

Little man had his first eye exam on Friday. This was mainly to check for any unusual growth of the vessels, which can cause retinal detachment. Did I tell you this already? Forgive me if I'm repeating myself. Anyhoo, the eyes all of a sudden scream, "Oh crap! I'm suppose to be seeing now! I gotta make these blood vessels grow!" The vessels can grow too quickly and thickly and pull on the retina. Bam. Blindness. The doctors are hyper vigilant about this and will check his eyes every week. If the unusual growth occurs, a tiny laser will be used to cauterize the vessels to halt growth. This may cost Sam a tiny bit of peripheral vision. Friday's check showed nothing unusual at this point. Yay! We'll see how he does next week.

Sam's eye's have been puffy for a while and some redness appeared. A culture was done, which came back positive for MRSA, a type of staph infection that's resistant to many antibiotics. The contamination level is rated 1-4. Sam's was a 1. Half the population has MRSA growing on them, so not all that unusual, but like any infection, can be bad for those with compromised immune systems. They aren't even sure if it's a true positive because the bacteria itself could've come from Sam's face, not his eye. Or it could be someone or something that touched him. Our concern was the infection traveling to other parts of his tiny body. All his bloodwork was unremarkable and showed absolutely no signs of infection or inflammation, so it's definitely localized to the eye. He's getting antibiotic eye drops in both eyes and a special ointment in one eye. His eyes looked so much better today. Perfectly normal, which you can see in the above pics. 2 infectious disease docs came by today and said he looked fantastic and they saw no need for additional work ups. Despite there being no cause for alarm, hospital policy dictates Sam be placed in isolation and will most likely remain there for 7-10 days. We are required to wear gowns and gloves when we visit. Unfortunately, we will have to cancel all visitors for the time being. We actually like that he's in solitary. It's less noisy and less risk of germy germs from other people coming in! And really, he's a famous baby. He should get a private room, right? :)

Speaking of being famous, Sam may have to get an agent any day now. He and I were recruited to be in a hospital training video about the importance of skin-to-skin contact aka kangaroo care. Now, every nurse in the NICU is going to see our little peanut!

Is it Father's Day or Fathers Day?

In some ways, I've really been looking forward to this day. In some ways not. I've purposely tried not to think about my Dad too much since Jr. was born. Too much highly emotional stuff to handle all at once. Then a couple of weeks ago, the Grandma of Sam's girlfriend across the way asked if she could say a prayer for Sam. Of course, we said yes. She joined us at his bedside and started a long prayer. When she got to the part about angels watching over him, I had a vision of my Dad standing over Jr.'s isolette. It wasn't one of those times where I felt him, like he was in the room and I could touch him. It was more like I was at a distance observing and saw him there. He was leaning over the bed as though he just wanted to make sure our little guy was okay. He was wearing his grey Addidas sweatpants with the black stripes down the side, his slippers and a white v-neck t-shirt like the ones he used to wear under his work shirts or at home when lounging. I wasn't afraid or alarmed. I felt comforted that he came to me in such a gentle way.

Afterwards, on the way to my car, something intoxicatingly fragrant hit my nose. I looked around and saw large beds of jasmine blooming. I wondered how I never smelled it before. It didn't all just bloom overnight. Then I recalled how much my Dad loved jasmine. He grew it at our house in San Jose when we were young, but could never get it to grow in Daly City. I had told Steve when we had the space, I wanted to plant some in my Dad's honor. It was kinda like my Dad shook me and reminded me not to let life's little pleasures and blessings pass me by while we are in the midst of all this madness. Now, instead of trying not to think of him, lest my head explode, I inhale the scent of the jasmine deeply every time I enter and exit the hospital, think of my Pop and smile. Every single day.

Sam got his Daddy a few things for Father's Day! I swear, that boy is so resourceful! He got a little "I <3 Daddy" onesie, some gummy bacon and a hard back cover of Go the F*ck to Sleep! Score! After our morning visit with the boy, we walked across the street for brunch at California Cafe. We sat outside, enjoyed a good meal and observed the families there. There was a little boy who was so proud to be shoving a straw up his nose. I completely cracked up and thought how we would be saying, "Hey! Cut that out!", to Sam before we know it as he tries the same tricks. I can't wait until Sam is big and strong enough to be a complete knucklehead who publicly embarrasses us!

Watching Steve become more a father each day has been one of the greatest joys of my life. My heart swelled when he said to his son, "Because of you, I get to be a Daddy." Crap. Here come the tears again.

I have got to give a shout out to all the peeps that have kept us fed as of late! Debbie, Kevin, Christina, The Yummys & Michael, you guys rock! Renee, a special thanks to you for your visit and all those you've recruited to pray for us. Dan, Wandah and Debbie thanks for coming by as well. Sam is happy to know he is so adored by so many wonderful people. Shauna, a HUGE thanks to you for getting our registry together. I was feeling completely overwhelmed. The thought of handling that on my own literally made me burst into tears. Tracy, thanks for the assist!

A special birthday wish to an angel named Ashlee. We love you, girl! Can't wait to see you next month! And Happy Birthday to Jo Jo! Tell him Martz #12 is doing great!

To all my loved ones out there missing your Dads today, my heart is with each and every one of you.

Look, Ma! No CPAP!

The little dude continues to improve this week after such a scare. His bloodwork is no longer showing signs of infection and he just seems more like himself. Yesterday's tummy x-ray wasn't completely normal, but definitely better than when this all began.

I arrived in the NICU yesterday morning to find Sam on a nasal cannula! What a wonderful surprise! I was so happy and so proud, I just burst into tears. I love being able to see his face. And he's no longer sporting the do rag that helps keep the CPAP on. I felt his soft hair under my chin while we cuddled. Divine.

He's getting breast milk again in small quantities. We think the combination of this and the nasal cannula was alot of change for him to handle all at once. He had some episodes of desaturation and bradycardia (he hasn't had a brady in quite a while), so they are sprinting him, meaning 4 hours on the cannula, 4 on CPAP until he's ready to ditch the CPAP for good.

Samuel is 3lb 8 1/2 oz!! I'm giving him that half ounce. He worked hard for it. He definitely looks like a little baby now and I don't quite feel like I'm going to break him when I hold him now.

Since the boy is rebounding, he's begun receiving members of his fan club once again. He was very happy to meet Auntie Lamya :)

I had my 6 week check with my OB today. She was on maternity leave when everything hit the fan. She has been with us through all the trials and tribulations of getting pregnant. She would've been back in time to deliver Sam. It was very good to see her. However, when I was called in to the weigh station, I just lost it. I was thinking I should be on that scale giddy to see how huge I'm getting. Instead, I was sad to not be pregnant, not protecting Sam from all his struggles. I also checked out the wall of pics of the docs with their patient's newborns. Sam should be up there with Dr. Shin. Sad again. Doc said some things that made me feel a little better, that I did not fail my son. She pointed out all the things I did do right that gave him the grit to get this far and do so well. HOTY has been wonderful, trying to reassure me of this as well. Thanks, honey. I love you :)

In an effort to feel a little better about myself, I've decided to do things like comb my hair and buy clothes that fit. I need to wear button down shirts to facilitate the skin-to-skin cuddling, but my knockers are busting out of most of my button downs. Dayna took me for a pedicure yesterday. My last one was the week before Sam was born, so, 7 weeks ago. I'm sure you can imagine how wrecked my toes looked. The polish had grown out so far, I had a weird, purple french manicure. Not being so haggard helps my disposition somewhat.

I will also get back to nesting, ensuring things are ready to go around here when our little guy comes home. And, hey, maybe I'll actually finish our registry. Man. So much stuff has fallen by the wayside. Sam's improvements and the sunny weather have me feeling hopeful today. Hope that feeling lasts.

Sunday is NOT a Day of Rest!

Apparently, Sam likes to act a fool and have his biggest troubles on Sundays. Shortly after posting Sunday's blog entry about his great progress, I headed to the hospital and was informed he was running a fever and had a spike in his heart and respiration rates. Also, his tummy girth had increased. There was concern he may have some kind of infection. An x-ray of his abdomen was ordered. It showed some dilation of the intestines and some soft markers for a condition called necrotizing entracolitis aka NEC. It's as scary as it sounds. This is when bacteria in the intestine attacks the walls, causing perforation, which could allow all that bacteria to enter the abdominal cavity. Also, parts of the intestine can start to die and those parts must be surgically removed. It is often fatal. I was on the verge of tears most of the day pondering all this.

Bloodwork later indicated a definite infection, though they could not determine where it originated. Sam was started on wide spectrum antibiotics and a follow up xray was ordered a few hours later. That xray looked a little better in that the markers for NEC were no longer there. Our nurse practitioner was pretty certain it wasn't NEC. We breathed a sigh of relief, but knew Sam wasn't out of the woods. Something was still definitely wrong. We'd noticed the previous day he was fussier. Sunday morning, I could tell he wasn't himself. I looked into his eyes and he seemed to be telling me he wasn't feeling well. It made my heart ache. Poor little guy.

In the evening, a nice nurse discovered Sam had a motherlode of boogers (clinical name-nasal discharge!) in his tiny nose. She softened them up with saline solution and suctioned them out. Sam was momentarily pissed, but the boogerectomy had him feeling much better afterwards and his breathing showed marked improvement. We finally left after our 15 hour stint feeling a little encouraged seeing him rest comfortably

He did even better yesterday. The nurses were alerted to be on booger watch and make sure he's clear. He was on 30% oxygen in the morning. By 2 pm, the pressure on the CPAP was lowered to 5 (the lowest it can go) and he was on 24% oxygen. Pretty kick ass!

The poor little guy has had 3 IVs put in since Sunday. They don't last very long due to his veins being so delicate. Sometimes multiple attempts to get them in properly are needed. He screamed bloody murder at the first attempt on Sunday. I gave him his pacifier for the 2nd and it definitely helped. The nurse also put a few drops of a sugary solution in his mouth with the binky and he did great. Just like a kid to be so easily distracted by candy. Anyhoo, his PIC line was reinserted last night. He will get all his meds and nutrition through this line and it lasts much longer than an IV.

Little dude had his 2nd lumbar puncture since his arrival to check for meningitis. Thankfully, that was negative too.

Perhaps the antibiotics are kicking in. He just looks better. When serious infections and the like strike, respiratory function is generally diminished. The fact that he's been so stable in that regard is fabulous. During this morning's check in with the night nurse, she advised he remained on 24% oxygen overnight and did really well. He may soon graduate to a nasal cannula. Yesterday's bloodwork looked great. Signs of infection have diminished, but antibiotics will be continued.

So, another crazy few days. Now, we watch and wait.

Chunky Monkey

1 3 mile ambulance ride from SFO to Mills Peninsula Hospital - $1574
1 20 mile ambulance ride from Mills Peninsula to Packard Children's Hospital - $4180
Discovering your ambulance co-pay is 50 bucks a pop - Priceless

Insurance rocks.

The past week has been full of ups and downs. More unspeakable sadness in the NICU I haven't been quite able to shake. I'm trying to focus on Sam's progress, but sometimes it's difficult when your heart is being broken into a million pieces on a regular basis, seeing what could've been. Though we know Sam is going to thrive, sometimes I can't help but think what could happen if he takes a turn for the worst. I tell myself to focus on the positive and not let the minor set backs get to me so much, but how do you do that when the stakes are so high? A tiny little life is on the line. Our son's life. Despite reveling in his achievements, I'm still fearful every second of every day.

Our little dude is growing by leaps and bounds! He is a mighty 3 lbs 5 oz today! What a little chunky monkey! I can hardly believe it. Jr. is no longer receiving IV nutrition. He's strictly on Mommy's milk that is fortified with an additive to boost the calorie count. Kinda like a milkshake! His goal was 25 ml every 3 hours by the end of this past week. He hit that mark and is now shooting for 30ml. We have every confidence he'll make it there. The attached video shows him getting a break from the CPAP Saturday morning.

Speaking of CPAP.... his settings were lowered this week, then raised, then lowered again this yesterday. So far, so good. Friday night, I noticed his eyes were getting very puffy and weepy. It appears the mask was squishing his little face, making his perfect little nose look like a pig snout (we've been assured it will return to its original form. LOL!) and irritating the tear ducts, causing his eyes to puff up. He was switched to a different CPAP that has tiny prongs that go in his nose. He was on this one previously, but it was no match for his feistiness. He knocked it about, causing irritation to his nose. We'll see how he does this time.

We're able to hold him for long periods of time (generally around 2 hours or so) twice per day. Mommy usually gets him in the morning, Daddy in the evening. After a cuddle session last week, we put him back in his bed. The nurse asked me if I wanted to give him a kiss. I don't know why it didn't occur to me before I could do this. Duh. I kissed his chubby little neck. OH. MY. GOD. So soft and warm. It was like crack. I proceeded to kiss him a billion more times. I just couldn't stop myself! I can't wait for the day where I can hold him close and kiss the heck out of him all day long.

The week brought a bevy of visitors to Sam's bedside. Auntie Ann was in town for a visit. She brought Auntie Cindy with her. We always love to see Auntie Cindy! Uncle Dave and Auntie Em came by. They brought with them a VAT of delicious meatballs. We've been eating them all week. Uncle Paul came by on Memorial Day. Between all the visitors and his media splash, I fear Sam may get a big head. What a popular boy!

A special thanks to Ryan who brought us decadent treats from Thomas Keller's Bouchon Bakery. Ryan, we'll look forward to you teaching Jr. all about the finer things in life. Also, some wonderful person left a lovely bottle of petite sirah on our doorstep. No note or card. Thank you for the sweet nectar!

Between hospital visits on Memorial Day, Mommy and Daddy did some poolside loungin' at the Elks Lodge with Dayna, Paul, Bree and Naomi. Dayna scouted out a hidden bathroom where all the pumping fun could take place. On Thursday, I got a little comic relief with some of my favorite chicks - Dayna, Sophia, Eija and Bree. We saw the movie Bridesmaids. Freakin' HILARIOUS! Steve had sworn this off as a chick flick, but after a recommendation from another dude, I think he just may cave and see it. I would gladly see it again. Anyhoo, it was nice to just crack up for a couple of hours. Afterwards, I couldn't wait to get back to the boy.

Just checked the mail. Samuel Lamont Martz received his first piece of mail! Sam now has a Social Security card. That's pretty official!