This is gonna be a long one. Lots of big stuff happening and no time to write all week. You ready?? Here it goes!
Our little guy continues to delight and entertain us. We've recently referred to him as Sam, The Destroyer. This is due to his ability power poop, destroying all in his path. Last week, It was the poop heard 'round the world! The nurse pulled down Sam's diaper and ka-POW! Jet-propelled nuggets splattered the inside of his isolette. Way to go, champ! The little dude has done this a couple of times. He farts up a storm, which Steve thinks is hella amusing. Okay, it IS kinda funny :-P How could something that loud come out of such a tiny little being?? He cut one so loud yesterday, I feared people would think I did it! Somehow, I think there will be many farting contests going on in our household in the future. Aren't boys awesome?!
Close monitoring of the eyeballs continues. Sam had his 2nd eye exam last Friday. The results were "incipient stage 1 ROP, zone 2". As scary as that sounds, it's actually a pretty good report. Sam has the tiniest of beginnings of ROP at the very outer edge of zone 2. This diagram explains a bit more: http://www.tsbvi.edu/seehear/
Sam has been on the nasal cannula for over 2 1/2 weeks now and is doing great. He's still having his desat and brady episodes (less than before), but over all, he's on the right path. I walked in on Monday (or was it Tuesday?) to find him off the cannula breathing room air! The nurse just wanted to do a little test to see how he'd do. He proved to be a bad ass. He's back on the cannula, but hopefully in the near future, he will be able to try out room air again.
After he managed to rip out the feeding tube from his mouth AGAIN, the nurse decided to put it through his nose. He definitely seems more comfortable with this. However, it causes him to make weird sounds. He's somewhere between a snorting pig and a honking goose and it's a total hoot. He sounds like he should be in France rooting around in the forest for truffles. Might be kinda cool and profitable to teach him to do that! We love us some truffles!
Probably the most fun thing that's happened in the last week has been bath time! We've done sponge baths and full on baths. Jr. was so cute stripped down in the little basin. At first, he seemed alarmed when submerged in the water. He cried a bit then was like, "Ohhhhhhh! I remember how it feels to be in warm water! Cool!" He totally loved it. I washed his hair and got all the little crevices. Crevices are good. Means he's gaining weight and getting those little baby rolls. Speaking of weight, our little chubbster is 4lbs 14oz as of this morning. I remember being so excited when he busted 3 lbs, then 4. Now, 5 is just around the corner!
Little dude's star continues to rise. We were asked to participate in yet another video. This one is an orientation video for the NICU. It will go on the hospital's website and YouTube channel. I will definitely post that when it comes out.
Last week, Sam started a little recreational breast feeding. It's exactly how it sounds. He was just messin' around on there. While I held him, the lactation consultant squeezed a few drops into his mouth (Yes, someone else was operating my boob). He smacked his lips and decided it was pretty tasty, so we put him on the boob. Amazingly, he started to get the hang of it all. He doesn't quite have the suck/swallow/breathe thing down, so he does what he needs to, which is suck for a bit, pause to swallow and catch his breath, recover and start again. Pretty good for a newbie to the booby. He's doing even better this week. The lactation consulted called him very motivated. LOL! At times, I'll think he's done, so I start to move the boob out of his mouth and he attacks me like the honey badger attacks a snake (learn about the honey badger here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4r7wHMg5Yjg ) . He's almost in a panic, like he fears it'll be his last boob (early development of a feeling I'm sure most males have). So, he gets back on and goes to town. You should see him kill a pacifier. This kid is going to be a breastfeeding expert in no time.
The biggest news by far this week is Sam's graduation to the step down nursery! It's called the IICN or intermediate intensive care nursery. They don't deal with CPAPS and ventilators down there. I was excited, but scared as the nurses prepared for Sam's departure from the NICU. They got his isolette hooked up to portable monitors and an oxygen tank, loaded up his chart and other pertinent records and we were off. There was something in seeing his isolette rolled out of the NICU. I felt proud and happy to be taking such a step forward with him. I was also nervous to leave the the familiar confines of the NICU and the wonderful nurses that literally kept him alive. They became our family and I was sad to leave them.
We made our way downstairs. When we arrived, I was kinda creeped out by the eery quiet down there. Not nearly at chaotic as the NICU. The lights were low. There weren't as many dinging machines constantly going off. I later discovered there's a different kind of noise in there. It's due to having older babies whose lungs are stronger, who let you know when they are HUNGRY, or wet, etc. One baby will start crying, then all at once, they all chime in for a huge, collective WAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH! Kinda like a bunch of dogs getting going when they hear a fire truck. It's pretty damn funny!
Things are definitely more laid back in the IICN. Unlike the NICU, we don't have to ask permission for alot. We can go in, take his temp, change his diaper, his clothes. We even take him out of the isolette on our own and just get our cuddle on. I'll get settled in to breast feed on my own. They like for the parents to take charge and just care for their child. We're still learning alot and it's kinda neat that we get to practice on a real baby knowing we have expert help at the ready. Hopefully, by the time we take him home, we'll have alot of stuff down and won't be quite so terrified.
Went back for the early afternoon feeding and got to help move Sam into an open air crib! PRISON BREAK!!! It's soooo cool to be able to look in on him without the thick plastic separating us. Yet another milestone reached! I also fed him by bottle for the first time. He did a great job, taking nearly half the feeding by bottle. He managed to not choke himself once! Impressive!
Lately, it's been tough coming to terms with how this all went down. I found myself looking at some pictures of Sam the first week he was with us. Seeing him so tiny and fragile literally causes me physical pain. I find myself feeling so robbed. I missed out on the whole birth experience. I wasn't there for Sam. It should've been the most amazing moment of my life, filled with joy. I remember my discharge summary noted "viable male infant" delivered. Viable. Why did that send chills down my spine when I read it? How close were we to something far worse? My wise friend, Cherie, said the birth is like a wedding. Yes, it's a spectacular, wonderful event, but what really counts are the days and years to follow. Makes total sense and I know this, but I'm still having a hard time. And really, would it have been better if I'd been conscious? I was sick with fear on the way to deliver him and when they began to put me under. He would've been whisked away. I wouldn't have gotten to hold him. I probably would've been a wreck just wondering if they could save him.
Last week, I pulled into the parking lot so exhausted. I sat in my car and cried realizing I was about to walk through those hospital doors for about the 150th time since Sam's birth. I will try to focus on all of Sam's achievements. No more ventilator. No CPAP. No isolette. No brain bleeds. No NEC. He smiles now. It melts my heart. He makes me laugh. Sometimes, I want to hold him so tightly, I fear popping his little head right off. He's gaining weight right on target. He poops like a champ. He's my boy and he's going to be fine. We are going to have a wonderful life together.
A special thanks to my sweet Alice, who walked this path before me. You've been my touchstone and sounding board through all this. Even though being there for me may cause you to re-live your tough times with your little boy, you have never wavered in your support. I love you so much.
Tammara, your pulled pork rocked! I had to skip the cole slaw. Jr. already has enough gas to heat a small village :-P
And to my Brunch Bunch, thank you so so much for the lovely baby shower last week. I so enjoyed celebrating Sam with you. Michele, you and your stellar organizational skills are much appreciated!
We're in the home stretch now. 9 weeks down. Hopefully only 4-6 more until our baby love is home with us.
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