6 Month Check Up

Hello friends! Our boy had his 6 month check on Monday. His doctor is VERY happy with his progress. Sam was a robust 14lb 2 oz, which is in the 75th percentile. Fatty. Apparently he has a tiny noggin though. It's measuring in the 40th percentile. I don't understand how that can be cuz his head looks giant to me. Length is in the 50th. I'm sure that won't last long. Sam continues to sleep through the night. In fact, he's going to bed earlier and still sleeping through until 7 or 8. On my days off with him, I'm actually feeling rested. It's a miracle!

Sam also got his first Synagis shot last week. Um, he did NOT like it. Poor thing. One nurse held his legs down, while I held his arms. Another nurse gave him the shot in his thigh. It was ALOT of fluid going in and took a while to slowly get it in. Sam's face turned red and SCREAMED and cried. I felt like crap, like I was somehow doing it to him. I couldn't scoop him up fast enough when it was over. After some cuddles, he recovered pretty quickly. We had to wait around for 20 minutes to ensure he didn't have an adverse reaction. He didn't. During that wait, I fed him. I put him in the carseat and he was asleep before I made it to the parking lot. Sam will have 4 more shots and they have to be exactly 28 days apart. Next time, it will take 4 people to administer the shot, as the dosage will be increased and divided between 2 syringes. I and another nurse will hold him down, while 2 others nurses will give him separate shots in each thigh. He got more shots at his 6 month check. Poor little guy. It's tough being a baby.

Sam had a wonderful visit with his Grammy! What a joy to be around. I loved watching her interact with Sam. Just observing her showed me ways I could be a better mother. Such an inspiration. We'll look forward to another visit in the spring when Grandpa will come too. He was to come this time, but his recent knee replacement surgery has kept him sidelined. Grandpa sent an AMAZING DVD showing footage of the wedding of Steve's parents and of Steve and his brother, Erik, from birth to age 2. I guess documenting every little step of your child's life is not exclusive to those in the digital age. Good ol' 8mm did the trick back then. It was so neat to see Steve as a baby, with Sam looking so much like him, it's scary. I hardly have any pictures from my childhood and no video, so I cherish the gift Grandpa gave us. It's also a lesson to be more mindful in photographing Sam and shooting video so we can give him the same amazing gift that he can share with his children some day. Thanks, Grandpa. You're the best :)

On my way to work the other day, I felt a sharp pain in my chest, missing my Dad. It's funny how I'll be caught up in the whirling dervish of life and I'm feeling fine. Other days, it'll hit me like a ton of bricks all over again that he's gone and will not get to teach him important stuff like the art of the corny joke....... :::sigh::: I can only imagine the relationship he would've had with Sam. Sam would have had him wrapped around his little finger and my Dad would have enjoyed every minute of it. Of course, I will make sure Sam knows all about him, but it's just not the same.

We've discovered Sam has an awesome sense of humor! Lately, he thinks it's SUPER funny to have a blow out just as we're about to leave the house. There's a onesie of his, the very first item of clothing I bought him, that has Handsome Devil stitched on the front. The first time I put it on him, he threw up all over it on our way out and I had to change him. I put it on him last weekend and asked him to please not hurl all over himself and he agreed. Shortly thereafter, I heard artillery fire in his pants. When I checked him, he'd had a blowout that somehow left his pants clean, but he crapped up the side of his diaper and destroyed the onesie. THANKS, DUDE! I guess he's telling me he just doesn't want to wear that shirt. On Wednesday, I had to take Domino to get her stitches out. I got her in the carrier and into the car. Got Sam loaded up in his car seat and PPPPPPLEBBBBBHHHH. That's the sound of him doing his business. Geez, kid. Can you cut Mom a break?? The executive decision was made to graduate him to size 2 diapers. That seems to have cut down his clothes-destroying fun considerably. I think we've outsmarted him. For now, until his butt gets too big for his size 2s. By the way, it was loads of fun (seriously, it was hilarious!) having Domino and Sam both screaming in the back seat. Sam eventually quieted down. I think Domino's yowling freaked him out.

Check out Sam's latest trick!

Part 1

And Part 2

He got a bit of leverage being on the pillow, but the real deal can't be far behind!

It's already feeling like time with Sam is passing so quickly. Too quickly. The other day, he was in my lap, legs sprawled about, and he seemed like such a big boy. Now, when I'm holding him, it feels more like he's holding me too, as opposed to him just being on me. It's the most amazing feeling. On Thursday night, we were having play time. He likes to stand up, so we were doing a little of that. As he stood on my legs, I sang to him. He was mesmerized by my voice. Kinda funny, because I will never win any singing contests, despite my Rock Band acumen :-P He just looked into my eyes and never broke gaze, so I kept singing. Then I cradled him in my arms and sang some more. He still looked at me, like he wanted me to keep going. I bent down to kiss him. His eyelids fluttered, but he never took his eyes off me. I kept singing then bent to kiss him once more. His eyes closed and he slept soundly. I sang my son to sleep for the first time. Then came the tears. I looked at this little being so peaceful in my arms and wondered if it's possible he knows how deeply I love him. It was a special night.

Look! Up in the sky!

It's a bird! It's a plane! It's SUPER SAM!!!!! LOL!!!!!

Peter, thanks for your AWESOME Photoshopping skills!

Baby of Steel

Check him out! Superman is appropriate, no? :) I made Sam's little cape and sewed it onto the back of his onesie. Am I a mom, or what?! :-P I looked high and low for some blue tights, but no dice. Anyhoo, pretty cute for an impromptu costume.

I'm happy to report Sam continues to sleep through the night. 8 1/2 hours last night! YAY! I got him down a bit earlier last night. He was asleep by 10, which means I got to bed by 11. Still not enough sleep for a work night, but better than the 3 1/2 hours I've been getting lately.

We received word that our insurance has approved Sam to get a series of shots called Synagis through the cold and flu season. It won't keep him from getting sick, but will lessen the effects of respiratory conditions like RSV should he be so unlucky to contract something yucky. The dosage of medication is determined by his weight. We anticipate his first shot being about $1400. He'll get one per month for about 4-5 months. We love you, Blue Shield!!!

I said goodbye to a friend on Tuesday. Okay, not a friend, more like a frenemy. I speak of the hospital grade breast pump I've been doing battle with. Due to Sam's micro preemie status, our insurance covered it for the first 6 months of his life and that time is up. Yes, 6 months have flown by. Anyway, now I have a new friend, a new pump that has all these neat little gadgets like a power cord that plugs into the car's cigarette lighter and a battery pack. You know what that means?? I can pump ON THE GO!!! Why did I not try this thing sooner?? It's life changing. It's so hard to pump at home while taking care of Sam. I do pump at work, but sometimes get distracted by stuff. So, now, my car seems to be the place where I get it done. Yup, my car. It really was a breeze. Staying true to my recent flashing tendencies, my first time pumping in the car, I forgot to put on my hooter hider. I didn't get this until I was half way to work. I tried to steer clear of high profile vehicles, lest those drivers see something that may scar them for life. It really is NOT pretty, but hey, gotta do whatcha gotta do for the bebe. Anyhoo, I always make sure I've got on the proper garb now.

We are having a blast visiting with Grandma who arrived from North Carolina this week! She's in love. Period. On her first full day here, she was already sad about leaving. Sam has been on his best behavior and has impressed her with his many skills such as laughing, talking (in his own way), and general cuteness. As sad as she will be to go, I will be as sad to see her go. Why can't all the people I love all live on a big compound somewhere?? That's my master plan.

If you thought Steve's dress up shenanigans were funny, you must see this. Our boy is a baby gorilla! I howled with laughter seeing him clutch tufts of Steve's hair.

Alrighty, off to make nice with my new friend! See ya!

A Tough Week

It's been a tough week. Emotionally, I'm all over the place. Sam continues to do new things that delight us. Santiago was finally discharged from the NICU after his 6 month stay. Such happy things, yet I'm still feeling profound sadness about Nanu. Her services were on Monday. It was definitely the saddest, most heart breaking thing I've ever seen. A parent burying their child, their baby...There are just no words. She was dressed in a little pink onesie and was wearing a diaper. She looked amazingly beautiful not hooked up to all the lines. You know how babies have that look when they're asleep like they're dreaming about something happy? That's how she looked. Like she might open her eyes any second and smile and laugh at us. I still have an ache in my chest and tears spring to my eyes often. I still can't quite believe this has happened, yet I know it's true.

Sam and I went to the hospital the next day to see Santiago make his escape. I missed Nara, Nanu's mommy. She came to bid Santiago farewell too. I am in awe of her strength and thoughtfulness. I was soooo excited, I was practically jumping out of my skin. When Sinthia and Sonny walked out with him, I literally got chills. I felt the same rush of joy as when Sam went home. Santiago is still on a little oxygen and requires some assistance eating through a tube in his stomach, but he is the hell out of there and away from all the germy, infectious crap hospitals breed. Before we know it, he will be a strong, healthy boy probably putting the WWF smackdown on Sam. Despite being not quite as long as Sam, he's always outweighed him. He has the cutest roly poly arms and legs and long, gorgeous lashes. It was a thrill to see him loaded up in the car and on his way. We will see you soon, little friend.

Thankfully, Steve has returned from his week-long business trip, so I'm no longer single mommin' it. It could be tiring. Not having an extra set of hands to pass him off to to do things like get laundry out of the dryer made for challenges. I'm never truly alone though, as I have Maggie and Frank always at the ready to help and they did. In the midst of all the recent activity, Domino decided to scratch at a cyst on her chest, which now has the potential to become infected. She'll have to be put under to have it removed to the tune of $750-$950. Thanks, cat!! I was suppose to take her to the vet last Friday, but ended up not being able to. Frank took her on Monday and Maggie hung out with Sam while I went to the services. Seriously, I don't know what I'd do without those guys.

Our little man is hitting all his milestones on time or early. He's already trying to roll over (he's made it to his side). He likes to do sit ups and REALLY likes to carry on a conversation when the mood strikes him. He's been clasping his hands in front of him for awhile too. The biggest accomplishment by far? Sam is regularly sleeping through the night! YES! You read correctly! As long as we stick to the 4Bs, bottle, bath, book, bed, he is averaging 6 or 7 hours/night. Woooo weeeee! I put him down around 11 last night. He was still snoozin' at 5:30 this morning. I got him up to feed him and change his diaper at 6. By 6:40, he was back down for the count. Pretty impressive for 11 weeks, huh? We are deeply grateful and so happy he's doing spectacularly well.

On that note......Recently, we had renewed hope about me potentially carrying our next child. Losing Nanu has firmly slammed the door shut on that. We are way too terrified of what could happen. Seeing all those tiny little babies in the NICU this past week...I just can't. I would never forgive myself if our next child(ren) had to go through what Sam went through. Maybe he/they wouldn't be as lucky. There's just too much that can go wrong. When the thought of a future pregnancy creeps into my mind, it will be followed by a resounding NO. No way. We are done. So, it's either a gestational carrier for our remaining embryos or Sam will be our one and only and he will be more than enough. I thought I'd feel kind of sad about making this decision, but I'm not. What truly matters is having a healthy baby. The way they make their way into this world so does not matter to me anymore. I like the idea of having a sibling for Sam. When we are gone, they will always have each other. Of course, this is provided one/both/all of them are not crazy and actually like each other. Here's hopin' :)

Here's a little clip of Sam showing off his beautiful smile. Below, is a prime example of what Steve is up to when I'm not around. Click on the photo to maximize, again to minimize. Have a great weekend, everyone!

Angel

Thursday night, I got the call that the daughter of one of our close NICU buddies was not expected to make it through the night. I knew that she had troubles, but I was so not expecting this. Friday morning, I got word from her Mom that she made it through and seemed to be stable. I hoped it was the miracle we all prayed for. I couldn't get to the hospital fast enough. When I got there, her parents were at her bedside and their beautiful girl, Nanu, was already deteriorating. She wasn't going to make it.

We became very close to Nanu's parents as well as the parents of little Santiago. We walked the walk together, supported and consoled one another during some of the scariest times of our lives. We called our babies the Three Amigos and the Three Musketeers. We were bonded for life. We talked about how our children would grow up together and we'd recall how we'd been to war together. We knew we'd all get to the other side and all the fear and pain our babies and we suffered would be a distant memory. How could this have happened? My heart is aching and I just can't come to terms with this.

Instead of shutting down, Nanu's parents allowed me and others to spend Nanu's final hours at her bedside. What a show of grace under such terrible circumstances. It was a privilege and an honor I will never forget. Precious girl. She opened her eyes and looked right at her Mommy when her name was called. She held my finger. She was beautiful. This little girl touched so many lives and that was evident yesterday. So many came by to sit with her. Doctors and nurses on their days off came in. Nurses from other units came in. It was such a beautiful display of love and kindness. At 4:15, I said good bye to Nanu. By 5, our raven-haired angel, our tiniest Musketeer, was gone.

This morning, I am still reeling. I can't even comprehend the searing, devastating pain our friends are feeling. Whatever I imagine it to be, it has to be far worse. Please keep them and their family in your thoughts and prayers. I just don't know how anyone moves on from this.

Nanu, sweet girl, you are forever enmeshed in our hearts. Sam will know you were his friend. We will never, ever forget you. You are so, so loved.

Lottery, Hear My Cry!

I'm sure these words or something similar have been screamed by mothers everywhere returning to work. I cannot even tell you how much it has sucked having to leave Sam. I miss him so much through the day and rush to get home to him. I've got just about 3 weeks back under my belt now and it hasn't gotten any easier being away from him. If things had gone as planned, I'd be back at work when he's about 5-6 months old and routines are somewhat established. Returning when his adjusted age is just a few weeks old makes things difficult. Until my winning-the-lottery plan works out, I'll just have to deal. In the meantime, knowing Sam is in trusted hands gives us great peace. There's no need to call or text every 5 minutes to see what's going on. We know it's all good and he's being loved to bits.

We've had some success getting him to sleep for extended periods of time through the nite. Two words - bath time! I try to feed him between 9:30-10 and bathe him afterwards. The bath gets him good and chill. We've been able to put him down when he's still awake, but drowsy. He'll drift off and sleep for 4-5 hours. In order for me to make it to work on time, I need for him to wake up between 3:30 and 4. He gets his boob time, topped off with a bottle, then a fresh diaper. He generally will go right back to sleep when I put him back down. Even at his young age, he realizes no one should have to be awake at 5 am!!! I then get all his bottles ready for the day, measure out his medications, then get ready for work and head on out. I get about 4 hours of sleep on work nights. Back in the day, I would have been wrecked, but somehow, my body has compensated. I used to be caffeine free, but now, on work days, caffeine is KING. I have a grande something or another in the morning to get a lil pep in my step.

I still feel like I'm operating with half a brain these days. My biggest faux pas seems to be pumping and/or breast feeding and forgetting to pull my shirt back over my bra before presenting myself to the outside world. Duh. The first weekend I was back at work, I walked into the break room to put something in the fridge, passing some security dude in there. Went in the bathroom and realized my tank top was still down and my bra was in full view. Way to go!!! GAH! Get it together, woman!

One thing we've learned is sometimes, babies just go through phases where they're off kilter and it doesn't mean a thing. Sam was eating like a rock star. I was sure he was going through a growth spurt. Then it didn't seem like he was eating enough. After having those concerns, he gained over a pound in less than 2 weeks, so he's ahead of the curve and doing great! On Monday, he weighed in at 11 lb 3 oz! What a bruiser!

Sam continues to be a party animal! He attended Oktoberfest at his buddy Franklin's place, went to a baby shower and another birthday party. He also attended his first wine tasting last week. Southern Rhone wines. Had to be French, of course :-P Despite the half brain, we seem to be getting better and better at getting him out of the house without forgetting too much of his stuff. He requires SO MUCH STUFF. Whether at home or on the go, seems we are laden with baby gear. We now own a swing, a bouncy seat and a Mamaroo. Funny thing is he doesn't seem to prefer one over the other. And he's okay with putting him in one of them if he's already calm, but if he's screaming, strapping him into one of those devices does NOT calm him down. He will scream his fool head off until we fetch him. His favorite place to sleep is still on our chests. It rocks my world to be cuddling with him and feel his heartbeat on my chest. He's finally gotten used to his co-sleeper and even sleeps in his moses basket on occasion. In order for him to sleep soundly (when he's not on us), he MUST be swaddled. Otherwise, he'll start flailing his arms and wake himself up. Sometimes, when swaddled, he has a way of busting out like the Hulk. We have a little velcro swaddler thingy that goes with one of his sleep sacks. We now use that over his jammies like a little straight jacket and it works like a charm.

One of the absolute best things we've experienced these days is Sam's smile! On his 5 month birthday on Tuesday, Steve and I were playing with him and I asked him, "Who's been on this earth for 5 whole months?!" He gave us the hugest smile! What an awesome moment! He's tracking things pretty well these days and locking his gaze with ours more often. He also likes to grab stuff, like my hair. So far, he seems to be right on track developmentally.

Oh! I almost forgot! We attended the NICU graduation party! It was so cool to be able to see some of the folks that helped Sam get where he is. Every day we hold our son, we are forever grateful to the folks at Packard. We got word yesterday that one of his former roommates that arrived in June lost his battle last weekend. It is still so devastating to hear this news and makes us so sad. Sam is a true Miracle. We will never forget how easily things could've gone the other way. We are so incredibly lucky to be blessed with this beautiful little nugget who continues to thrive.

I hope this post finds you all well! Happy Friday!

Adventures in Parenting

So, I'm finally coming up for air! I intended to post an update on our first 24 hours at home. Then it became 48 hours, and, well, here I am 3 weeks later. It has been a wonderful, tiring, happy time in the Team Martz household. We are so thrilled to have Sam home and be able to see his angel face all day and all night. He is such a sweet boy and we are thoroughly smitten. Even when he's screaming, which he only seems to do for us. So far, when we have visitors, he's perfectly behaved. He will start screaming about 5 minutes after guests leave pretty much without fail. Little booger. The transition has actually been quite easy except for the lack of sleep (minor, right?). We were handling so much of his care at the hospital, we really felt well prepared to take care of him at home. So far, we troubleshoot pretty well.

The doctors told us how preemies thrive once home and that has been so true. Sam is getting HUGE and busting out of some of his newborn clothes already. He's about 9 1/2 pounds now. Can you believe that??? I still find myself getting very emotional at times. Especially in the middle of the night during quiet times. One night, around 3am, I gazed down at him and marveled at what a big boy he's become. I teared up thinking where he started, a teeny 1lb 13oz. It hardly seems possible he could survive, but here he is.

I was going through a folder last night that we brought home from the hospital and came across a detailed discharge summary. Sam's first 110 days on this earth were summarized in 7 short pages. There were details about the delivery. Stuff Steve and I had never known. I read it and was totally sad and unnerved. When Sam was born, he was barely alive. His heart rate was 60. After 1-2 minutes of positive pressure ventilation, it was still in the 60s. He was intubated and his heart rate finally climbed to 100 after 5 minutes. Was it a blessing that I was under? Those would've been 5 excruciating minutes. When I told Steve about this, I could see he was bothered too. He said he was outside the operating room waiting for his son to come out and he might not have. He could've been called in to say good bye. Being out cold, I could've missed his entire life. I can't imagine finally coming to and being told he was gone. :::sigh::: I still can't believe we've come so far. We are having such a blast learning all about this little cherub. Our lives are already so much richer with him in it. He's here. He's doing great. I've got to find a way to let the past go.

Anyhoo, back to the report. The first night home was interesting. We had Sam in the co-sleeper right next to us. The problem was we couldn't sleep because every little sound and rustle kept us awake. There were lots of them. We think he just wasn't used to all the quiet darkness. We started playing music and leaving the lights on low and that seemed to help. It helped him, anyway. We still weren't getting much sleep. We decided to care for him in shifts, which enables us both to get a few solid hours at different times. This seems to be working at the moment, but we'll have to come up with plan b, when Steve returns to work. Oh, right. That's TODAY. So, now we're both pretty much on 24 hour duty and both exhausted. I did manage to give Jr. a bath this afternoon, throw him in the swing, then hop in the shower. I am currently inhaling a sandwich as I type. First food today.

On night 2, Steve and I snipped off each other's hospital bracelets that gave us access to the nursery and shared a toast. Sam was home!

Then, calamity. It was all the usual stuff. Pee EVERYWHERE (over my shoulder and all over the floor). Spit up all over me. A blow out diaper. Wooo weee! That kid had me hoppin'! He seems to be taking aim with his pee pee now, but his aim isn't very good. One night, he manged to pee on his own face. LOL!

Sam had been doing really well recovering from his hernia surgery, but at the close of his first week home, his belly button incision became inflamed. The triage nurse recommended bringing him into urgent care. Steve had all kinds of meat on the smoker, so I packed Sam up for our first solo adventure in the car. He was out like a light as soon as the car started moving. Anyhoo, there was definitely an infection, so I dropped him off at home, then headed to the 24 hour pharmacy in Mountain View for antibiotics. Over the course of a few days, it was definitely getting better. Less redness and swelling. Now, it seems to be getting worse again, so we'll see what the doctors pull out of their hat this time.

We've been out and about a few times. Our first big outing was to wish our friends, the Baiamontes, a fond farewell as they high tailed it out of the Bay Area. They were a whole 2 or 3 miles away. Then we ventured to Maddux Park in Redwood City for Miss Makenna's birthday party. All went smoothly until we stopped for diapers on the way home. Sam completely lost his sh*t while Daddy was in the store, so I stuck a boob in his mouth in the car and that did the trick. We had dinner at the Yummy's and that went pretty smoothly. We've had our usual wine and cheese fests on the patio, so we're doing a pretty good job so far of incorporating the wee one into our routine.

This past weekend, we hit little cousin Jenna's 1st birthday bash. Had a mishap of sorts on the way. I forgot to put nursing pads in my bra. Yeah, I know. Living dangerously! We were running late and less than a half mile from the house when I sprung a leak on the right side. Too late to turn back. I took some of the tissue paper from Jenna's present and shoved it in my bra. That wasn't working so well. I shoved a cloth diaper in there and that did the trick. Sexy. Whatever would I do about the big wet spot on my dress? Well, I took it off and put it out the window. It was dry in about 3 minutes. Gotta get creative sometimes, right?

That same evening had dinner with our NICU buddies, the Boosts, Reinhard, Michelle and little Anton. We joked that the boys were all, "Oh hey! NICU, right?" Anton was born term a couple of weeks before Sam. He's so cute and so engaged. He smiles right at you. He laughs. It was so cool to get a preview of what Sam will soon be doing.

We rounded out the weekend with a fun Labor Day get together at Auntie Dayna's. Sam has enjoyed all the festivities and has traveled well!

I'm happy to say I've lost weight since Sam came home! Thing is, it's because I often don't have time to eat!!! The day will nearly be over and I'll remember, "Oh yeah, food." On that note, HUGE thanks to all who have fed us recently, the Smiths, Bree, Sophia and Bruce, Kris. I hope I'm not forgetting anyone! I seem to forget a lot more these days. Baby brain in full effect.

Oh! We've really enjoyed going for walks around Crescent Park these days. We usually head out right after Jr. has eaten so he snoozes in the stroller. We meandered through one of the Palo Alto community gardens. A nice couple gave us some fresh green beans which we had for dinner. Delish. The weather has been perfect and getting fresh air has been awesome. It's really easy to let the whole day slip away without even getting outside, so the walks have been fantastic.

You know what the scariest thing on earth is?? Cutting a baby's fingernails!!! Oh my God. I was so scared I was going to lop something off. His little nails are razor sharp though and he was scratching himself, so I had to give him a little mani. Filed them and everything.

We had our first family photo shoot last Friday. The pic above was taken right after Sam crapped all over my shirt. Um, that part was cropped out. Our photographer got some beautiful shots of Sam. She has such a great eye. If you ever need photos done, she's your gal. In addition to being crazy talented, she's just such a warm and lovely human being who considers it such a privilege to document these beautiful little lives. Check out her website, www.picturekidz.com . Btw, for the smaller pictures below, click on the photo for full viewing, then click again to reduce.

Sam should be screaming for food any minute now, so I must go. Good catching up with you!