The little dude continues to improve this week after such a scare. His bloodwork is no longer showing signs of infection and he just seems more like himself. Yesterday's tummy x-ray wasn't completely normal, but definitely better than when this all began.
I arrived in the NICU yesterday morning to find Sam on a nasal cannula! What a wonderful surprise! I was so happy and so proud, I just burst into tears. I love being able to see his face. And he's no longer sporting the do rag that helps keep the CPAP on. I felt his soft hair under my chin while we cuddled. Divine.
He's getting breast milk again in small quantities. We think the combination of this and the nasal cannula was alot of change for him to handle all at once. He had some episodes of desaturation and bradycardia (he hasn't had a brady in quite a while), so they are sprinting him, meaning 4 hours on the cannula, 4 on CPAP until he's ready to ditch the CPAP for good.
Samuel is 3lb 8 1/2 oz!! I'm giving him that half ounce. He worked hard for it. He definitely looks like a little baby now and I don't quite feel like I'm going to break him when I hold him now.
Since the boy is rebounding, he's begun receiving members of his fan club once again. He was very happy to meet Auntie Lamya :)
I had my 6 week check with my OB today. She was on maternity leave when everything hit the fan. She has been with us through all the trials and tribulations of getting pregnant. She would've been back in time to deliver Sam. It was very good to see her. However, when I was called in to the weigh station, I just lost it. I was thinking I should be on that scale giddy to see how huge I'm getting. Instead, I was sad to not be pregnant, not protecting Sam from all his struggles. I also checked out the wall of pics of the docs with their patient's newborns. Sam should be up there with Dr. Shin. Sad again. Doc said some things that made me feel a little better, that I did not fail my son. She pointed out all the things I did do right that gave him the grit to get this far and do so well. HOTY has been wonderful, trying to reassure me of this as well. Thanks, honey. I love you :)
In an effort to feel a little better about myself, I've decided to do things like comb my hair and buy clothes that fit. I need to wear button down shirts to facilitate the skin-to-skin cuddling, but my knockers are busting out of most of my button downs. Dayna took me for a pedicure yesterday. My last one was the week before Sam was born, so, 7 weeks ago. I'm sure you can imagine how wrecked my toes looked. The polish had grown out so far, I had a weird, purple french manicure. Not being so haggard helps my disposition somewhat.
I will also get back to nesting, ensuring things are ready to go around here when our little guy comes home. And, hey, maybe I'll actually finish our registry. Man. So much stuff has fallen by the wayside. Sam's improvements and the sunny weather have me feeling hopeful today. Hope that feeling lasts.
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