I have changed. I mean, I knew I had, but it REALLY hit me today. My nose (and the I'm-makin'-a-poop-face as seen above) told me it was time for a diaper change. I was taken aback by what I saw - a firm, adult-looking poop, not the typical Sam blow out. I grabbed his ankles and lifted his legs and it stuck to his butt! Guess the solid food is doin' its thing. Here's the funny (gross) part. I was so fascinated by this poop, I actually looked around to see if my phone was handy so I could take a picture of it and send it to Steve. My phone wasn't within arm's reach, so Steve missed out. And I am insane. Well, insane like a parent. I WAS GOING TO TAKE A PICTURE OF POOP. Is this a normal parenting thing, or is there something seriously wrong with me??
On a more serious note...A bunch of gals in one of my support groups and I recently discussed the highs and lows of parenting. As much as I love Sam, especially given his rough start, sometimes it is just HARD. Like the 10 minutes he screamed nonstop in the car Monday night. I tried to talk him down. That totally worked. NOT. I sang to him. That worked for about 10 seconds. He just kept on screaming like it was his job and I thought my head was going to explode. I felt guilty thinking I should be feeling more sorry for whatever is bugging him instead of being frustrated and frazzled. And really, he's a good baby. He doesn't scream ALL the time. He's not colicky, he sleeps through the night like a champ and eats well. We probably have it easy compared to some, but man, I still have those moments where I feel like my head is gonna pop right off.
We had to work so hard to conceive him, then he fought to survive. Why on EARTH am I feeling anything but overjoyed all the live long day?? Hey, did I mention how hard this is sometimes?? No matter how difficult his journey to us was, it doesn't somehow make us less tired, have more hours in the day or reduce our workload. When I feel like I'm going to drop, it just is what it is.
Sometimes, I worry I'm not stimulating him enough or doing all the right things to ensure his development is on track. But let's face it, if you're alone with a baby all day and all night, it's tough to keep them engaged and entertained EVERY. SECOND. OF. THE. DAY. At every check up, he's right on target. He's been home 5 months and we've managed to keep him alive, so I guess we're doing something right. Some days I think I'm a lousy mother because I just wish he'd take a nap so I can have a brief break.
Sometimes Mommy is just tired and the well is dry and I just want to go to bed. But I can never *just* go to bed. I have to PUMP (the ever present bane of my existence), wash bottles, do dishes, etc. And whoever said sleep when the baby sleeps must've had full time help. When he sleeps, I get to shower, do laundry and clean house. Every so often I say, "Screw it," and lay down with him, but pay for it later. Mostly by having a greasy, unwashed face and a little b.o., BUT I do love the stuffing out of that boy. Especially when he smiles at me with smashed peas all over his face. Today, I made him laugh harder than he's ever laughed at me (with me?). It made my heart puff up and I thought, wow, this is the hardest, loveliest gig I've ever had the privilege of having. I am very lucky :)
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