Weekend Update

From teammartz.com

Let's finish up Friday. On Friday evening, Sam opened his eyes widely quite a bit. His eyes look brown, maybe even light brown. Kinda hard to tell with the club lighting in there. I spoke to him and when Steve, who was standing above me, chimed in, Sam's eyes clearly looked in his direction. He may not be able to see Dad yet, but obviously recognizes his voice.

It's been a tough weekend for our little guy. He continues to have clusters of episodes where he stops breathing for an extended period of time. It's a combination of his brain not being developed enough yet to remind him to breathe and the muscles in his chest wall not being strong enough. He just gets tired. We're told he will grow out of this around 34 weeks. Additionally, the oxygen levels in his blood go down, which is called desaturation or a desat. He sometimes has a difficult time coming back from this without help from the nurse or doc. They turn up the oxygen a bit to get him back. There's been talk of putting him back on the ventilator for the past couple of days. The nurse said she would call us if that happened. Each morning we woke up without getting a call in the middle of the night, we breathed a sigh of relief. Until...

I roused myself to pump Sunday morning. Shortly after I finished, Steve's phone made a buzzing sound while he was in the shower. For some reason, I immediately thought it was his mom, as I'd left her a message the previous night. Then my phone rang immediately thereafter. It was a Stanford number. I called Steve into the bedroom as I answered. The doc told us Sam continued to have a rough time of it. A chest x-ray showed some haziness in his right lung, which could indicate some sort of infection or pneumonia. Their concern with tiny babies is the infection won't stay in one place, so they took blood and urine to check for signs of infection elsewhere and here's the scary part....They would be doing a spinal tap to pull a little fluid to check for infection there as well. The thought of a needle being put in Sam's spine was terrifying and I lost it trying to relay all this to Steve. We dressed and dashed off to the hospital.

After a few hours there, the decision to put him back on the ventilator was made while I was off pumping in the parent's lounge. Steve came to tell me the news. Neither one of us wanted to see this happening, so we waited in the hallway for awhile. We went in when they were finished, but were still fiddling with things to get them exactly as they wanted them to stabilize him. They also performed another x-ray to ensure the tube was placed in the right spot. Nurses and doctors keep saying he's doing well, all things considered and he's way better off than many kids in the NICU right now. Sure doesn't make our hearts ache any less to see him struggle. It also makes my heart ache for the other babies that aren't doing so well and the parents that are out of their minds with worry for their little ones. We stayed for a bit longer, then headed home. More pumping and a very late, but scrumptious Mother's Day breakfast prepared by Hoty.

After a much needed nap (and more pumping), we headed back. Jr. had a much better afternoon. He was stable. Urine results were not yet in. The preliminary results on the spinal fluid were negative, but the final results would be available in a couple days after the lab checked to see if any bacteria grew. Blood culture would take 2 days as well.

It was time to change his diaper and bed linens, so one nurse had to hold him up while the other worked quickly. Sam was PISSED to be disturbed and boy did he let us know it. His face was a wrinkled in a fit of rage. After he got nice and comfy again, things settled down. We just hung out and held hands. There were times he gripped my finger so tightly, he must've been dreaming he was arm wrestling or something. At times, he opened his eyes to check us out. After his birthday at 9:08pm, I read him a story, a wonderful book called On The Day You Were Born, a gift from his Aunt Debbie. He seemed to really dig it.

Though we are sad he's had a set back, we are also relieved he's getting a break. He did so well for so long and he's just pooped. The nurse reminded us the overall picture will show a continuous climb on the graph, but it'll be a squiggly line with lots of dips. While we were there, we heard a stat request over head for a neonatologist to the delivery room of a youngster born with one kidney. Just heartbreaking. Things could be so much worse.

Amazingly, little Sam has already managed to snag a Gmail account. Wonder how he pulled that off?! I received this message from him in the midst pumping:

Hi Mommy,

I just wanted to wish you a Happy Mothers Day. It's our first one together and it makes me really happy to be able to spend it with you. Sorry I didn't get you anything.

I really appreciate you visiting me in the hospital. And I know it's been hard for you to see me like this and I wish I didn't have to be in here either. I want to be home with you all curled up on the couch snuggling.

I wanted to tell you that it means a lot when you come to see me. I really like it when hold my hand and talk to me. It makes feel like a very special boy. I'd give anything for you to hold me again.

Don't worry about me though. I'm doing all my breathing exercises and I'm eating all my TPN (it tastes yucky, blech) but the nurses are really nice.

I love you, Mommy. See you soon.

Love,
Sam

Now, if that doesn't bring you to tears, you're a robot! I cried my eyes out. Somehow, Sam managed to get a present after all. One mani-pedi and a card for Mommy!

Thank YOU, my beautiful Samuel for being such a strong boy with a fighting spirit. You're a warrior. Thank you for making me a Mom, your Mom. I will always be so proud you are my son. I love you so, so much